My Self-Examination

i ve seen this movie buffalo 66 today...its by vincent gallo shows a really fucked up life of this guy...all through the movie i ve been thinkin if i had been in such a place the sure thing was a suicide....no way out other than that
but here my life is all good but i m not happy ...and i cant delude myself into denial of this pitful feeling coz thats what most ppl around me do they cant be alone coz they dont want that moment of madness where the reality strikes....
and i have seen ppl in denial that their life sucks coz they r too busy making themselves delude so much that they live in their own virtual world with nothin or no one to care about...
me donot belong to both the categories coz i m too busy tryin not to delude myself..i am sad n there may be a 100 reasons why i shud not be but i am
there is no reason why a person should lie in the extremes in the depths of self pity or boastin their victory...cant thr be a mid way a normal way where u can just be what u want to be.....
i just want to pen down these crappy thoughts
hope i can come down with sth solid the next time