My Life as a Consultant

I have become the person that I never thought I would be. I am one of those pod people who live for their work. For the past two months all I did every single day was work, work and more work. And weekends were solely relegated for business development. I did not have time to even think about anything else. I made a vow when I joined this job that I would not be like that but I guess like every other promise that I made to myself I broke it. I even dream about work these days, I have the benchmark model excel swirling through my brain every single night. I wake up thinking that I made a mistake somewhere and go over the formulae once again.

In a way it is actually a good thing, the work thing has effectively cut off my social life (not that it was much to begin with). I stopped hanging out with my friends. I stopped thinking about the what-ifs because I don’t have the time to over-analyze those tiny quirks that I used to obsess about.

This is the most stochastic state I would ever be. The literal meaning, it all comes to B.S. At any point of time I am trying to either B.S my boss/client/friends/family. Any sustained development that might have happened over the past two years seems to be more of an outlier than a trend. My life has become so pervasively cynical that it's difficult to imagine that there would be any real emotions left.  Sticking to the motto "screw or be screwed," I scheme and dodge. Every strategy that I come up (which could be read as what my boss wants me to do) is precisely devised to take advantage of a client's weak points, and there's no room for the least bit of sentiment. I make companies look like they will fail unless they take our helping hand, and the best part of all this, I have no freaking clue as to what I am talking about. The people here are so toxic that I have to have a CYA plan at any point of time because they could just make me their scapegoat.  

On the other side of the fence, my parents have decided that enough is enough we are going to go on a full-on emotional battle. There is no longer room for maneuver.

So, I am finally living the dream life of a consultant. No emotions, no feelings only unsympathetic schemes to get me to the next pit stop. I am pretty much nearing the stop where I will have no personal life.