My Inconvenient Truth

I was supposed to write one blog per month because my writing as you might have noticed has gone downhill for good. I can’t come up with one decent post proving my theory that IQ is inversely proportional to the time you work in an IT company. I cannot watch two serious movies in a row. Comedies I can do. What does this tell you I have become dumber? I guess I have. I am trying my best look like a total dufus by reading good books (Now you may ask if you are a dumb person then how would you quantify the books you read as good or bad :) )
Anyways so yeah my math skills have gone the drain. I mean for simple additions, I am opening calc application. This could either mean that I have either become extremely lazy that instead of using my mind for two seconds I am typing things out for 10 seconds or I am an idiot. I guess laziness sounds much better. Or I google everything I mean everything. I think that is the first sign of dehumanization. No thoughts just plain facts.

Sometimes the weirdest of things happen which makes you to step back and notice things around you. Nothing profound, for the record before you think that I had an epiphany or a revelation (like in the movies where the music slows down and then actor has this very grave expression and then presto he has the solutions to all the problems.)

So I was watching TV at A’s place in Bangalore on Sunday. Behind the Scenes show was on and this week’s movie was Revolutionary Road. I have seen this movie almost a month ago. I was downloading all those good movies but never watching them. So, after the daily TV series marathon, I sat down with hot soup expecting something serious but never did I imagine that this movie would have such an effect on me. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was roaming around the house like a ghost because I could not get images of the movie out of mind.

Set in 1950s, it shows us a fatalistic view of the reality of life in suburbs. It talks about how we let our life pass by, never living it. Once we stop we stop dreaming, we stop living. I know that sounds extreme, but this movie has made me reflect on all of the time I've wasted, who I've lived my life for and whether I've left things too long to change. It's far too easy to accept that this is how our life is going to be, a less than satisfying existence.

I hated the characters because they are too real for me. Because once upon a time I thought I would be doing a job which would be meaningful which I would love. But now I have accepted the fact that it is just a means to pay the rent. I am just living my life wasting one day at a time. Its not that something is stopping me, I can leave my job and do what I want to if I know what I want to do. But there is always the questions what if something goes wrong? What if I don’t like it? I am afraid to take even the first step. I have all the reasons for not taking that step, recession, no jobs around so let’s wait. I am Frank Wheeler. I don’t want to take chances because I am comfortable right now. I don’t like to change anything. The movie has shown me one version of my life. It didn’t help me feel better about myself or get a better perspective of life. Instead, this film just left me shattered and disturbed.