My Hazy Days

I think my life is like a sine curve with ups and downs that I create myself. I was riding a crest for the last month with my new camera in hand. Out of nowhere creeps in the trough. And all of a sudden I stop doing anything that has in any way related to me going out of my house unless it is absolutely essential. I talk to no one and even if I am, I am just lying through my teeth. I have made inane conversation with my family just so that I talk to someone every day.

I wake up around 9 30 and rush to the office every day.I keep myself busy, do a crossword or two and get some work done.  I keep looking at the ticking clock for the lunch hour. I rush as soon as its one. I come back home, make myself a cup of green tea and settle down with a book for half hour. Then I have my lunch which I gobble down in less than five minutes. I run back to office before it’s too late, but I generally I am. Not that I care.

The afternoon is generally when I get most of my work done. I don’t want to stay too late so I work work and keep drinking insane amount of tea. I get out by 6 if I am lucky. I go home, settle down with my laptop. I stream which ever series that I have to. Then I go back to my book for an hour or two before my maid comes to clean up and cook dinner. I get up and help her sometimes when I am in the mood otherwise, I am just another piece of furniture in the house and my eyes fixed on my book more often than not.

P generally comes around this time; we have dinner together which she talks my head off. I listen, nod make the necessary expressions when required. Sometimes I feel bad and I talk, but I can’t do that for too long because I have realized we don’t have so much in common these days. I can’t talk about my books, because she doesn’t read them at all these days. She is busy living her life. I can’t talk about office because I don’t want to bore her to death. So, more often than not I will be the one listening. We eat; she plays some music and sometimes brings out a bottle of wine, which I drink not-so wholeheartedly. She finally leaves and then I get back to my book. I read till 3 or 4 depending on my interest levels or my sobriety.

The cycle continues. Weekend comes and I am asleep for most of the time. I remember V telling me, 'sleep is what I cherish these days', a really long time back, now I understand it in a way. It’s an escape. If I running low on food, I go out get some bread and eggs but even that seems too much so I asked my maid to get them for me. I alternate between reading and sleeping.

Sometimes when it gets too much, I go for a walk to sea face, becoming just another lost soul in the crowd. P generally comes along. I try to act cheerful but I can’t, so I pick up my camera and start taking pictures. It calms me down a bit but after a while even that’s not enough. So, we head back almost silently, no more talking.

But the silver lining is that I am reading more books than ever. I finished the Hunger Games series in three days. Before that I was reading Paul Aster which I had to stop because with my current situation reading existential novels would be too much. Now, I am going to start The Marriage Plot.

This would be the year that I read; the year that I will spend on books, books and more books.