My Moments of Un-truth

My Addam's Family

2012-01-16T21:51:00.001+05:30

Yet another airport lounge. I am stuck here thanks to my frequent flier obsession; I book the always-getting-delayed jet airways. I am very much on the way of becoming one of those characters in up in the air, not that I mind it (life with no baggage and all). I was in Hyderabad for four days in all, not even four complete days but I already reached my limit of domestic bliss. I don’t like being in the role of the dutiful daughter being chaperoned around. I have to be in character, all smiles and passing around good advice to all those kids. It is freaking exhausting, because I am not that person and can never be one; try how much ever I may.

I had to do the round of meeting my relatives (this never was a problem when I was in Chennai, the showing off did not reach its epoch for then I was just a measly IIT person, but now I am this alien being who has achieved something so abnormal, that I have to paraded around with my gult-armour with a nice suit, bindi, bangles, anklets, the whole shebang!). Naïve me forgot the important part of this, the suit part because of which I was shouted at for almost an hour before letting me wear a pair of jeans. I was not supposed to wear these rebellious clothes lest it should create a dent to my image.

So, we go to my uncle’s place for lunch, before which I was supposed to put up an appearance at his place of work (I said no to which my mother replied with ample amount of scorn in her voice “How could you do this? Why don’t you understand?”) So, I gave up and went ahead, with the most artificial smile plastered to my face while my uncle does the introductions. I am not this person, I want to scream but there is no way out.

I go back to my uncle’s place, where my grandma takes one look at my hair and decides that it needs to be more restrained and I should have bangles (how can you not wear bangles!!!). My cousin who just got married is in a sari, apparently she was ordered to wear one; this is how a married lady is supposed to look like, with flowers in her hair, the image of marital bliss. For the next one hour, I listen to everybody lecture about everything in my life, my sense of dressing, my religious proclivity to my lack of a “plan” (My mother started discussing my tax saving with my whole extended family!!). What is it with Indian families and total lack of privacy? Why do they have this need to know anything and everything that goes in everyone else’s life? I got a phone call from my friends and I had to explain the context every single time to my grandma.

I know I am being a total bitch, looking all these good people trying to help me out as an invasion of privacy but I don’t know I can’t deal with families. I like my life the way it is without any unwanted intrusions but I guess I am asking for too much. Anyways, I go out with my cousins (actually it was me my married cousin, her husband and her brother) and we went to a mall to “hang out”. I thought we would be sitting in some coffee shop and catching up but they have something else altogether in their mind. Shopping, as in mind numbing journey from shop to shop without actually buying anything for almost three hours! I promptly went to crosswords, to just get away.

I literally begged P to meet me the next day, I had to get out. I met her for an hour and it was like being in an oasis in the middle of a desert. We dint talk much but it was just what I needed, someone in front of whom I don’t have to be any pre-destined role.

I guess I am the only person who complains about such trivial things, but only when you are in that position, you would understand. I am stuck with them for life, so I just have to make it work.

My Food For Thought

2012-01-13T22:00:00.002+05:30

I am in Hyderabad, its day one of my four day sojourn. I expected this trip to be a series of interviews between me and my parents. I was dreading the inevitable unanswerable questions. Every time I cross the threshold of Hyderabad Airport, I feel like my mind’s screaming to rush back inside and get on the next possible flight back to Mumbai. I know I am being a total selfish bitch, I mean who wouldn’t want to spend time at home, eating nice food, lazing around in front of the TV and being pampered.

But this time it was a little different because I was meeting S’s friends and all I could think about was to get out of the airport so that we could go for a quick dinner before rushing back home. And I could vouch that this was one of the best times I had in the city. It was a nice night with good friends, super funny conversation and a great bottle of Chilean wine (S, I am just immortalizing the night :D). I have been worrying too much lately because of the all the shit happening around me but for one night, I was feeling light to just not think about all the crazy stuff and savor the moment.

The next day my parents invited my brothers’ friends for lunch and I was stuck working for my project (which my asshole of a manager insists on completing even though officially I was on leave!). Anyways, the lunch was freaking hilarious. It was me, Pavan and Raghav (both my brother’s school friends). Pavan and my brother was like BFFs since kids and both of them went to the US of A. So, for my mom he is like the subject matter expert on all things US. The poor guy was interrogated on such topics as: the eating habits of an average American, their societal behavior, vegetation and the quality of students and the statistics like an average GPA to something as weird as their marriage success rate. Pavan just sat there gaping dint know how to go about this whole exercise. The poor kid was being put through the Spanish inquisition under the disguise of an innocent lunch.

After lunch we decided to go for a coffee and talk about the “good” stuff. So, we headed to the only place I know in the city, Mochas :). He was indeed experiencing the US in his own unique way. He has become pretty good at Spanish went about proving it by saying something like, Hola amigo como estas like Pavan Kalyan, his name sake which was pretty funny (to get this reference you have to go through the process of self-flagellation via tollywood movies). Apparently there were a lot of Mexican dope heads (who offer him weed for a beer can!) he is friends with and a gay manager who hits on him every chance he gets. And, this is not all; he was actually robbed at gun point in his last work place.

I got so scared listening to all this, is all of this working-your-ass-off-all-night and run to attend classes all day worth it? Is this the better life the kids thought they would lead when they applied? My brother never tells me anything, but I shudder thinking about the things he might have been through. It might not have been bad, it might be counted as rites to passage. But, there are scores of kids going there to the Promised Land for a better life, but how would you define a better life? Is it being able to get piss drunk and being dragged back to your house at night only for you to get up the next day at six to open the store that you work in? He was leading a happy life here now he there thinking about his next meal because he has maxed out on his education loan. I hope things work out for him.

My Long Walk around South Bombay

2012-01-12T01:13:00.002+05:30

Standard Chartered Building

LIC Building

Check out the heads, they are apparently the faces of the designers

LIC Building another view

The Elusive Flora Fountain

Black Crows on Angels

Inside St. Thomas Mount Church

Brief Candles

Whitewashed Church

Does it look like Mumbai?

Asiatic Library

Somewhere in Colaba

Cafe Royal

Random Old Building, loved the lights though, the yellow glow :)

Flight of the Chariot

My Sad 2012 Beginning

2012-01-11T20:39:00.001+05:30

I have been sick for the past four days. Too much fun in Goahas caught me (actually, it was the ill-fated train ride back where I wasshivering the whole night without a blanket that nailed the coffin). Anyways,so I thought here is a chance to capitalize on my sickness, bunk office andlaze around for some more time. The thing with Goa is that even though you stayed there for just a day, you are infected with the whole holiday cheer; itmakes you want to do things that you wouldn’t normally think of (like going fora heritage walk when you are sick and march for three straight hours).

As fate has it, both my managers were conspiring against me,as VS, the analyst AKA the-only-guy-i-talk-to-in-my-office says, they are likehell hounds sent from the netherworld to hunt us down. He keeps sending mestuff like this on my messenger while we are supposed to be working and I burstout laughing in front of my manager. It is absolutely hilarious if only he wasnot the guy who is going to give us an appraisal.

Anyways back on track, so I got stuck in office, poor sickme wearing sweaters and sitting near the projector which doubled up as a spaceheater with its fans sending out much needed hot breeze. We had a client meeting on Thursday whichmeant that I would be living in my office till then. So I did, but my managerdecided that half a day is too less time to woo the client, so we took overtheir conference trying to “brain storm” and come up with better concepts thewhole day. Sub-text translation: We were sitting there discussing this appcalled my fitness pal which led to another talk about jogging where I promptly switchedmy brain off (how long can you take it when two guys are discussing the prosand cons of eating one extra roti a day!). Apparently it went on for about anhour, where there were intense debates about the perfect speed forjogging. My poor client was sending teaand snacks to help us “think”.

It all was nice and sundry till then because my managergenerally takes off to Cochin (he is based out of there) after these meeting,so we generally slack off. But this time, he dint instead he calls me up 8 inthe morning the next day to tell me to get my ass back in office ASAP. So, Ihad be there in office at like 9 in the morning for one whole week!

In the meantime P has transformed into this emo chick wholistens to uber-romantic songs. I made a mistake of going to her place to getmy dinner fix only to get stuck for eons watching one song after another on YouTube!What’s it with people in love!! It’s like everybody around me have conspiredand decided they will act all lovey-dovey at a precise moment. It’s the samewith my roommate, she keeps disappearing for days and comes back home with adopey look on her face. I am scared toeven imagine how February is going to be like.

But I have my sanity intact (or maybe not because S thinks Iam going crazy because I am listening to way too much of Edith Piaf, apparentlythat’s a sign of serious depression!). I might be heading there because I am onmy way to Hyderabad. Finally, the dreaded trip. I have to go before my parentsdecide to surprise me here in Mumbai. I guess a swift kick is what I need toget out of these mean reds which have been haunting me for the past few months.

My Yearend Getaway

2012-01-03T23:22:00.003+05:30

I have imagined many a-times how great this trip to Goa was going to be. It would be me P, S and K getting away from all the madness, go laze around beaches and charge up for the New Year (not that I needed any charging up for my job, but you get the drift right :)). As usual, I plan so everything that can go bad goes bad. S dropped out of our trip, she had much better things to do during her holidays :P. So, it was just me, P and K.

And then, P had to cut our holiday short because AC was leaving for the US, now how can we come before a budding romance. So, we sacrificed one more day. And that’s when it all went downhill. The cab guy switched off his mobile and we were stuck at 11 in the night with all our bags packed and nowhere to go. But we were not quitters, so we promptly booked flight tickets and were on our way for our next big vacation, blowing half of the budget right there.

The last time I was in Goa, it was horrible. It was in UG and I definitely wanted to have a do over, make some new memories. But fate has something else planned; it was lesson for all us girls in India, if you want to go to Goa for New Year’s be ready for lots of getting shoved, being hit on by every two minutes and groping. Boy was that fun. NOT. It was New Year’s Eve and all we did was stand in a corner trying not to get trampled to death by the mob. In the end we did enjoy a bit, dancing near the bouncers’ stand, it was okay. We got back to our hotel at 1.30 in the night and the owner thought that we would be leaving for the party and not coming back already!

But the next day more than made up for all this craziness. We got ourselves two bikes (yours truly cannot drive anything, so I was shuffled between the two, but it was great). We were singing aloud all the Beatles songs we could remember, making pit stops between beaches and sampling every third restaurant’s food. We made it to three beaches with all the stopping in between. I did my share of celebrity spotting, Himesh (!)Reshammiya and Nikhil Chinnappa. I saw the latter in some battered down cottage when we were running around for directions. P had a crush on him since she was 16 I think, so I ran out and told her to go talk to him, that idiot just went in but couldn’t even come up with one line to talk to the poor guy. She was all smiles for the next one hour though :)

We went to a Spanish, a Greek and a Goan restaurant. The food was great and the ambience even better. Even though, the trip started off with a hitch, it was just what we need, a little R&R. I going to plan my next trip pretty soon.

We did make our share of new year’s resolutions there on the beach

We are going to diet our way through the next year
French and photography lessons
Jogging every morning
Join Enlightened Society
Go on heritage walks around the city (I even bought a guide!)
Plan another Eurotrip (I don’t know how this is going to happen, unless I take another personal loan)
Bangkok, Cambodia and Laos!
Watch more movies

So there it is a great start with a new year, with a few hiccups but it’s alright. Hope this year works out for the better :)

Few clicks, a little too late, but in my defense the site refused to upload pics till yesterday!

My Reality Vs. Everything Else

2011-12-31T02:13:00.002+05:30

I had great expectations for 2011. I thought this would be the year where I would finally be in a great job that I like and live in a city that I love. I would travel a lot and shop even more. I would have my own wine collection complete with a nice wrought iron stand. I would get a nice apartment with P and we would decorate it together. We would the kind of people who throw cocktail parties every weekend where we would have the same old discussions about everything and nothing. I thought I would go meet my brother in December. I had the whole thing planned, I would crash at R’s place and then we would go to NY for Christmas. And if not least, I thought that I would at least be friends with V. Looking back, I think I had too big a to-do list. I don’t think I did anything on that list, except maybe live in a city that I love part. So, someone somewhere took pity on me and said “Oh, hell! Let her have at least one wish”. I guess New Year resolutions are too over rated because you tend to write about things that you almost always never do, or it is the case with me.

But I am not going to complain about the things that I dint or couldn’t do. Let’s see, what were the things that I am more than happy that happened this year:

1. I did my part of traveling, I went to Bhutan, would do that again in a drop of a hat given an option. I loved everything about the trip, from the super late trains to almost getting arrested scares (that’s a story I am not going into!)

2. I did get a job that I liked even though the pay is shit, I do like the work most of the time even though sometimes I feel like killing my manager with a machete

3. I love my new apartment, even though I don’t have a wine-rack, I decorated something (for the first time in my life) and every day I walk into that door I feel peaceful

4. I heart Mumbai; I don’t know why I ever hated the city. I love the people, the taxis, the cheap wine, the food (I am a street food junkie now; I never did see this one coming!)

5. I found flipkart, my new love; she never did let me down. I am never out of stuff to read now

6. I found a compromise between living with P, she has her space and I have mine, even though I sometimes feel like beating her to death, I am happy that she is here. She is always there be it doing something crazy like going down the pier at sea face or cooking for me at 12 in the night

7. I think my relationship with my parents has become much more tenable than it was before, I am making an effort to actually talk to my mom about my work

8. S for just being herself

9. I bought myself a camera which I should have done 3 years ago

10. I did write a lot of posts which for me is a big accomplishment, I never thought I would become this regular, but I am happy I did it

11. I also closed one big chapter of my life this year

12. I did find a kindred soul in office, I now have a partner for doing my daily crosswords and random quizzes (thank god! otherwise I would have died of boredom in that hell hole)

Well that’s all I can think of right now, I guess if sit down and think long and hard I might come up with some more but I guess the list just about sums it up.

Hopefully next year I would be able to do some travelling and take some nice pictures (see I am not wishing for big things, I learnt my lesson, NEVER plan!) But, be as it may my Goa plan got fucked up right now, so I am still stuck in Mumbai, talking to random cab guys till 1 in the night to find a ride. So, never plan! That’s my new motto, spontaneity is the key word. I don’t know how good or bad this next year is going to be but it sure as hell will be interesting (How could it not be while I will be shuffling around the country, attending one wedding after another!)

Bonne année, see you on the other side :)

My December

2011-12-28T01:56:00.002+05:30

Sorry for the delay. No wait, actually I am not because I don’t think there is something new for me to rant about. I have actual “situations” to deal which have kept me pretty busy for almost the last two weeks. Before you think that I have come out of the mean reds, no I have not stepped out of my house unless it’s necessary. I was rendering other services, mainly being a life coach/ agony aunt/ resume helper. I have been living vicariously through my friends in between really long shrink sessions. I have been in the role of a priest meets shrink for the last eight years, but I was never this swamped. It seems all of them have conspired to make important life changing decisions on one particular day!

On one side I have P who, like any other bipolar person, bursts into my house at wee hours in the morning to start discussing her “problems”. Other times when it gets too much for her to get out of her house, I go to her place with a wine bottle, listen to her rant about her “friend” AC who for a moment would be the lowest life form on earth and the next the holy grail.

I am not going to discuss her relationship but I need to rant because, well this is my proverbial couch where I can talk about my problems :). So where do we even start? I made a conscious decision last month that I would not blog about the M word EVER. But it did not take even a week to break that promise. Now to make matters even worse, S has bitten the bullet. So, now I am the stuck in singleville alone not that I have anything against the idea.

My mom on the other side has started shopping for my future family, starting with silver Pooja stuff. Apparently that’s the most important thing you need when you get married! And if she ever finds out about S then well I am for all intents and purposes DEAD. But for now, she has spread her net far and wide, recruited all my immediate family to find this elusive “husband” of mine. Every time I call she is talking about one guy or the other. For the first few times I listened to her but S advised me that if I even ask the guy’s name apparently parents would misconstrue my curiosity to blatant interest. So these days I grunt and hang up with some lame reason.

And if you think for one second that this is all then you are so grossly mistaken. So, I call my mom during lunch every day, it’s like a mother daughter thing we do. I call her talk about my day, she gives me some cooking advice; essentially we dance around the elephant in the room. But the other day she told me that she saw this totally random guy in a mall and she thought that he would make a good husband. Remember those shaadi.com ads, well people, that is exactly what’s happening right now! My mother is doing her share of checking out guys!!! I would never have thought that I would live to see such a day.

So here I am ducking calls from my mother and her apostles on one side, listening to P rant all weekend. The one good if I can call it that is my sadist manager is on a long vacation, so at least my office is a little less hostile.

I am going off to Goa, for the new years’ hopefully I would be relieved of my shrink duties by then. I am looking forward to this vacation so badly I can almost taste the salty air!

Au revoir

My Useless Attempt to Escape Reality

2011-12-09T23:19:00.002+05:30

It seems the universe is trying to tell me something via face book. My home page is flooded with tiny red hearts floating around at such regular intervals that I can’t keep the page open for more than a minute at any point of time. I open my gmail there is another long mail chain from my erstwhile UG friends which these days serves for the sole purpose of updating people’s relationship status. And lets not forget the wedding invitation mails with the website embedded. And, every time I open these websites, it’s like a relentless torture. Soppy music on the background, stories and bad poetry seems to be everywhere. So, I thought maybe reading some glossy magazine looking at something I can never afford will cheer me up but Vogue has come up with its wedding issue with more of those “romantic” stories. Just kill me now!

I am stuck in this so called marriage vortex. All my friends from UG are married or on their way to the gallows. And to make matters even worse the current reading material is not helping me. The book I picked up is titled “The Marriage Plot”. Quite a un-serendipitous thing actually (if there is such a word).

So, my coping mechanism for this month of marriage madness

1. Listen to new genres like Hip-hop (I actually downloaded Flo-rida songs; my laptop will definitely commit suicide pretty soon!)

2. Retail therapy online and offline (which did help a lot but my credit card company sure did call to find out if it was really me :))

3. Books books and more books

4. My camera, my salvation (or so I thought, but it is going to take a lot of time getting used to this baby :|, who said hobbies are easy :()

5. Sorting/ de-sorting my cupboard (it does help)

So, even any one has new ideas please be my guest, help a friend :)

Ciao

My Hazy Days

2011-12-01T01:28:00.000+05:30

I think my life is like a sine curve with ups and downs that I create myself. I was riding a crest for the last month with my new camera in hand. Out of nowhere creeps in the trough. And all of a sudden I stop doing anything that has in any way related to me going out of my house unless it is absolutely essential. I talk to no one and even if I am, I am just lying through my teeth. I have made inane conversation with my family just so that I talk to someone every day.

I wake up around 9 30 and rush to the office every day.I keep myself busy, do a crossword or two and get some work done. I keep looking at the ticking clock for the lunch hour. I rush as soon as its one. I come back home, make myself a cup of green tea and settle down with a book for half hour. Then I have my lunch which I gobble down in less than five minutes. I run back to office before it’s too late, but I generally I am. Not that I care.

The afternoon is generally when I get most of my work done. I don’t want to stay too late so I work work and keep drinking insane amount of tea. I get out by 6 if I am lucky. I go home, settle down with my laptop. I stream which ever series that I have to. Then I go back to my book for an hour or two before my maid comes to clean up and cook dinner. I get up and help her sometimes when I am in the mood otherwise, I am just another piece of furniture in the house and my eyes fixed on my book more often than not.

P generally comes around this time; we have dinner together which she talks my head off. I listen, nod make the necessary expressions when required. Sometimes I feel bad and I talk, but I can’t do that for too long because I have realized we don’t have so much in common these days. I can’t talk about my books, because she doesn’t read them at all these days. She is busy living her life. I can’t talk about office because I don’t want to bore her to death. So, more often than not I will be the one listening. We eat; she plays some music and sometimes brings out a bottle of wine, which I drink not-so wholeheartedly. She finally leaves and then I get back to my book. I read till 3 or 4 depending on my interest levels or my sobriety.

The cycle continues. Weekend comes and I am asleep for most of the time. I remember V telling me, 'sleep is what I cherish these days', a really long time back, now I understand it in a way. It’s an escape. If I running low on food, I go out get some bread and eggs but even that seems too much so I asked my maid to get them for me. I alternate between reading and sleeping.

Sometimes when it gets too much, I go for a walk to sea face, becoming just another lost soul in the crowd. P generally comes along. I try to act cheerful but I can’t, so I pick up my camera and start taking pictures. It calms me down a bit but after a while even that’s not enough. So, we head back almost silently, no more talking.

But the silver lining is that I am reading more books than ever. I finished the Hunger Games series in three days. Before that I was reading Paul Aster which I had to stop because with my current situation reading existential novels would be too much. Now, I am going to start The Marriage Plot.

This would be the year that I read; the year that I will spend on books, books and more books.

My Minuscule Change

2011-11-19T20:06:00.002+05:30

I have been reading non-stop for the last 8 hours and I finally finished 1Q84. Phew!

I got it last Friday. I have been reading it since then. I found that as I got deeper into the story, I stopped questioning the purpose and instead began to see reading it as one of the few necessary things I did all day.

The lyrical prose that Murakami creates with such banal situation is so surreal. “She was hearing everything that went on in his heart, like a person who can trace a map with his fingertip and conjure up vivid, living scenery.” Almost every time I closed the book I felt like writing something that beautiful.

In one word this book would be a love story with a twist or maybe a twist with a love story would be a more appropriate title. Its like that movie Turn left, Turn right but instead of fate, it’s a Barnum and Bailey world that is keeping the lovers apart. I was so invested in their story. I took half a day off just so that I would get back my peace of mind.

Tonight after I finished the book I couldn’t figure out what to do with myself. Over the last week the book had become a part of my routine and the things I used to before seemed unappealing in comparison. It was too long I agree but reading this book has changed me, maybe in a miniscule way. After almost a month, I pulled out my iPod dock station and have started listening to music. I cleaned up my whole apartment. I am restless but in a good way.

I wish I could read more such novels.

My Changing Ways

2011-11-05T01:18:00.000+05:30

I have had the most boring week to date in Bombay. It's pay day, so you guys might think that I would be happily shopping around and eating out, well no actually I did none of those things. I was cleaning my house and then decorating it. I got carpenters and cleaning ladies prettying up the place. I think I have caught a bug, the nesting bug if I may say so. I am obsessed with decorating my room, not the whole house but just my room.

I don’t have much work in office, so I keep searching for ideas, you know checking out what Martha Stewart and others have got to say about these things. I then went on to get posters and painting printed out and then went ahead and got them framed. I like the feel of my room now, it says something. I never did this stuff before, but this time I am obsessed with getting trappings for the house. Lifestyle 3^rd floor anywhere was out of bounds for me before, but now whenever I go there I am picturing the things to buy and salivating at the décor!

I guess it’s because of PP’s company, she is into this way too much than I am. She even bought matching spoons, forks and the other entire cutlery. It has kinda become our routine these days, weekends we go to farmer’s markets or art exhibitions, searching for something nice. And the weirdest part is I like it. I actually look forward to it.

Last weekend, I went crazy cooking up a whole meal. We bought chicken, prawns and fish and I went all out and made a proper Sunday night dinner like my mom used to do. I know what you guys might be thinking, NESTING alert! But, I don’t feel like going outside, getting dressed and figuring from the million restaurant choices, it’s better to have a nice home cooked meal for a change.

This is supposed to happen when you are 40 or something right? I guess I am just fast forwarding things. I am in a job which I know I am not going to quit. So, in some sense I am settled down. I like this status quo for once. My life is moving pretty smoothly, no big changes, no surprises in the last six months or so. I am like those potato farmers in that Van Gogh painting, leading a simpleton lifestyle. There is nothing different between yesterday and today. I am getting used to the mindlessness of it.

But the silver lining is that I like the Mumbai; it is very different from any other city that I have lived before. I often go walking and every time it feels like an inexhaustible space, a labyrinth of endless steps and no matter how far I walked, no matter how well I know the neighborhood and streets it always leaves me with a feeling of being lost. It keeps changing at such an impossible speed that I can’t dwell on anything for too long. Sitting near sea face makes me feel lost and found at the same time; it brings me a momentary sense of peace.

It feels like that song Time by Pink Floyd,

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain

And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you

No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

My All Night Marathon

2011-10-17T16:38:00.001+05:30

I am sucker for crime drama. I don’t know how my proclivity towards watch violent TV shows but I was a closet follower of Dexter way back when it started. I was embarrassed to tell my friends that I watched the show. It’s just that there is something to look forward to at the end of every episode and a bit of intrigue is always a plus. And I am not a one off specimen; I think the world is filled with people like me who would watch a cop procedural rather than a boring sitcom.

I didn't do any scientific polling but I feel pretty confident in saying that Crime Dramas of various sorts are the most popular thing going at the moment. We've got three CSI's, three Law & Orders and many, many other shows of this type on the airwaves. And I watch the crappiest of them, let me confess first. I used to watch CSI way back when it started but then got too bored. There is not much of a story line happening other than the case. I want to both drama and procedural wrapped together. It is tough to maintain that elusive balance. Many a show fell through because they couldn’t maintain this: Castle (let’s not talk about the stupid interrogations where all you have to do is raise your voice and shout and the witness would cower and give away within 2 minutes!), Bones (would they just get together and give it a rest already!). I can go on but let’s not go off track.

I was talking to N on Friday after a really long time. Our conversations generally go this way: loads off gossip which I gladly supply (I am not the collector, I just pass on :)), life altering decisions (on my side obviously none), job etc. But we finally settle down with a long discussion about all those bands/ tv series/ movies that we should try to listen/watch. I always have something new to do after every phone call. I like it because I can trust her taste implicitly. I don’t have to IMdB stuff and check out. I just go out and watch it, no questions asked.

In a very roundabout way of coming to the point, she suggested that I should check out The Wire. Now, obviously when you are as obsessed as I am about this shit, you would have heard about this show, almost always in the review section, comparing and criticizing every single single cop procedural show out there. Anyhoo, I had the first season for a long time but couldn’t get around to watching it.

I had a day off with no plans so I settled myself with my lunch and a bottle of wine and began the marathon. I completed watching it around 5 in the morning, had to get up at 8 to go to office but so not regretting the decision to finish the season. Man, I have no words. This was the kind of show I was looking for when I was criticizing all those crappy shows. Every single character is so beautifully built and acted out.

I think this was the best TV series marathon in a long time. It destroys those entire cop clichés out there. It is slow, sometimes confusing going early on, as they establish who's doing what. But once everybody's settled in the plot is thick but gripping, with some tremendously sharp dialogue moving the story forward. And there's proof that great dialogue needn't have a deep vocabulary; at the end of one episode McNulty and a fellow detective sort out a murder using only the word 'fuck.'

Bored at office, hence the rant, anyhoo you guys should totally try out the show.

My Bullet Dodge

2011-10-16T19:00:00.003+05:30

I am super happy today. No, I have not booked tickets to Paris (this is real life, things like that don’t happen here :)). The reason for my happiness: apparently there is something wrong with my Kundali so my parents are not supposed to start looking till next may. I am celebrating!! I am going to cook some nice dinner and have a glass of wine with Nat King Cole on the background (okay, I know pretty lame but this is how I unwind :)).

I was on my phone with my mother ten minutes back when she started asking me whether I was still wearing my ring and then told me the whole tale of my father’s new day job (hopping from one Pandit to another with my Kundali :(). He has already made two visits and has another scheduled tomorrow. This particular Pandit apparently asked him whether I had a mole on my face, for which my dad calls me up when I was in the middle of a meeting and questions me about the said mole!

Anyways so all’s well in this world now. I can rest in peace for some more time. In the mean while I can continue with my life in Mumbai ( my office people took pity at my state and put me in back to back projects in the city, thank god for small favours!) Since PP has calmed down a bit and coming into terms with her new haunted house (more about this one later) we are now out and about in the city trying out all new restaurants.

My Ferris Wheel

2011-10-13T02:12:00.001+05:30

I am having flashbacks of Toulouse as if a wall that I have built around those memories has broken down. It’s almost a year now since I have moved back but the glimpses of that life seems so strong. It’s as if they are sending me a message, it just comes and goes. A song that I used to hear or a whiff of the perfume I used to use is just enough to take me back.

I remember oh so clearly my tiny room and how it used to get so cold during the night and I used to wonder why they never had a better heater, snuggling in my blanket. I remember the warm sun hitting me on my face first thing in the morning from our window. I remember the guitar playing from the room above ours where this guy used to practice all night long. I remember the winding stairs I used to sit on night after night, with a glass of wine in my hand and talking on the phone or just staring at those old windows.

I remember those class rooms and the break rooms which always smell like a hundred people have just smoked there. I can taste the hot chocolate I used to gulp down every morning with a doughnut while rushing to school. Sometimes when I walk to office I see the road that I used to walk on every day to school with the tiny park on one side and all those quaint patisseries on the other. I remember getting lost on the way to Capitole every other day trying to find a way. Now and then, when I look out of my window and see kids playing, I hear the noise from that lovely Carousel with all those horses near Maringo. Whenever I see Zara, I am instantly there back in Toulouse looking over all those fine dresses, window shopping away to glory.

It all seems to be coming back like those waves finding their way to the shore and finally settling down peacefully. I always wait for the next glimpse, the next ride on that Ferris wheel. It was a different life or maybe a life of a different person. I loved my solitude back then, treasured it even. I used to walk till I couldn’t walk anymore listening to some song or the other on my iPod. Life was so easy, I didn’t have any obligations. I dint have to talk to anyone if I dint want to. I dint have any pressing life changing choices that I had to think about. I dint know anybody, I could do whatever I want, whenever I want. I was free in a word.

There is something very powerful about this feeling. You have no responsibilities no commitments. School was so easy; I never had to worry about a project deadline nor a presentation. I could sit for an hour and I was free to do anything or nothing for the rest of the day. One thing I had to do was cook, which I loved doing. I would go to Carrefour and buy something gourmet every time. I would experiment till I find the right recipe. I loved sitting in the tiny alcove of our kitchen with my dinner on one side, a glass of wine on the other with the music playing on the speakers.

I loved travelling. I dint have to plan months before, I could just up and leave with my backpack. I dint have to worry about reservations in hotels. I would walk up to their door and get a room for sure and everything was on my budget. It was never terrifying going to a new country, it was rather exhilarating. This would be a place I would never come back, I could never meet or talk to the people I am talking to. There is a sense of wonder in everything you do.

Even the most mundane conversations stick to your mind because these are the ideas or thoughts of someone so different in every way. I remember talking to this old man on my way back from Mt. Titlis, he went around the whole of Asia in his car back in the 70s. I remember talking to this editor of a photography magazine in Hamburg. We chatted for almost an hour about cameras even though I am as clueless about them as the next person. But, I loved having these interchanges because they were unique.

Now I look at my life, it’s so mundane. I don’t even remember the conversation I had with my manager this morning because I don’t feel the need to reminisce every tiny detail because it’s not relevant to me as a person. Would I be happier if I were all alone in a strange country where I don’t even speak the language? I don’t know. But all I know is that it sets you free. It makes you look at things in a different light, makes you think about stuff you would never even think about in this life.

I had a great three month break from my life but once you get a taste of that wandering lifestyle, this boring job these responsibilities make you feel so smothered sometimes. I keep thinking of just taking off, going somewhere all on my own just to think, just be. I don’t want company. It would just be me and my thoughts in a faraway land. I know that this would be a dream just like so many others along the way, but it felt good to pen down these thoughts just to remind me of that other life.

My Work Situation

2011-10-12T22:10:00.004+05:30

I always had this picture of consultants as people who go from client to client sharply dressed giving away awesome presentations and talking about ground breaking stuff. But off late or rather since joining this company I realized that this weird idea is so far from the truth that it is laughable. I never do any of those things. I work on seemingly everything under the sun. I have worked on consumer business, education, real estate and now technology. One day I would be taking to some slick private equity guy and the next I would be waiting in line in a government office trying to fix up a meeting with some non-descript bureaucrat.

I am a power point presentation expert. That’s all I can claim to be after almost six months of working here. And I can sort of make a lot of weird models on excel. These are my USPs. There is nothing concrete or something unusual that I find out. Its simple common sense and the worst part or if you look it from my company’s perspective the best part is people pay seriously big bucks for this work. We look around the net to find blasé details about the industry, dress them up neatly in these presentations and that’s how we roll.

There is a sense of dissatisfaction because I never get to know what happens next after I toil for two months, making all these projections and models. Did the company finally accept what we told them? If so is making any difference? I worked for the jelly drink project (okay seriously no laughing, I am actually proud of the work that I have done!) and now I just wait for them to launch, which from what I have heard will take at least 5 years to materialize. So, for all intents and purposes I just did a lot of work on something which may never see the light of day. What’s the point to all this? All I can claim is that I made a killer deck.

But there is one other thing that I have mastered: Lying. It is an integral is part of what we do; we collect data from everyone under the sun the name of market research by telling them stories which will never have an ounce of truth. I have become such a professional liar; it just comes so naturally now. A year ago, it was so easy for people to find out when I was lying because I could never keep a straight face but now I am Master Yoda of lying.

As you can see I am learning very important life lessons from my job, lying and building castles in the air. Pretty perfect combo if I may say. Anyways, I am just pissed off today so the rant. My lovely roommate has decided to take a break from work and is bunking office for this whole week so the project she is supposed to be working is on my plate. I have to work now for the next three weeks and the worst part I have to travel all the way to freaking Powai. Oh the joy!

My New Troubles

2011-10-11T00:39:00.003+05:30

I like everything about my new house. It’s tiny but looks so cozy with a mishmash of old furniture (we have a rocking chair which looks like they bought it straight from a 70s movie set). Now that I don’t share my room with two other people I can play my music aloud. Ah the freedom! I love it.

But there is a little hitch, isn’t there always. Well this one is in the form of my weird roommate. Where should I even start? She thinks that we are like this married couple (god hopes not literally). She doesn't like going out with me if there is someone else. This one time, I invited RS along without telling her before hand, she got so pissed! She keeps using all this funny nicknames that people generally reserve for their partners (for the lack of a better word). And every time I do something homely she is always there to praise my housekeeping skills, I felt nice in the beginning (obviously appreciation is always welcome) but after a point of a time it’s downright weird. She is a nice person and all that but I don’t like public display of affection in any form. Please I will just gag myself!

I was getting used to it when her brother dropped in from out of town. I don’t have any issues with her family crashing so, I went along.The day he landed I got out of office pretty early (which I should say was a bloody miracle, I dint see the light of day in a week so I was pretty excited to go back home and relax). I called her to ask when she was coming for which she says “Please don’t go into the house, my brother is in there”. I had to wait outside the house for an hour before the madame turned up. I didn’t get it, what will I do to her brother if I meet him without a chaperon! I dint say anything, I let it go chalking up as to her weirdness. But, it got weirder, every time I had to go the room where he was staying, she has to check with him and see that it’s alright that I enter and then she had to stay there the whole time glaring at me. I mean cmon! I am the girl here, what would I do? I just couldn't deal with so I took the easy way out and crashed at PP’s place. Then I get this message from her asking as to what’s wrong, as if we were having a lover’s tiff and I walked out of the house. PP just kept laughing the whole night at my plight.

And then there is a matter of our maid. She is a grand old lady, who used to be a masseuse and she hated my roommate with all her heart. So, every day after work she comes and sits in my room and starts off with the day’s bitching session, where she cribs and cribs about my roommate and her wayward ways. I cannot be mean to old people so I sit there nodding while she goes on talking about her life and everything else under the sun. BTW she thinks I am good because I cook, buy stuff for the kitchen and I have too many clothes (apparently that’s the measure of people’s goodness: the more clothes you have the better :D )

That’s the update, thought life would be simpler without two roommates and their drama but I guess I should never jump to such conclusions. Anyways I am not going to think about all these negative things, I am planning on revamping this whole place. I am checking out martha’s living for design ideas :D I am going to buy posters and make it all nice.

Will post some pictures soon :)

My Fall TV Guide

2011-09-25T23:46:00.009+05:30

Living at home for far too long is definitely dangerous to one’s sanity. The only thing that was by my side all through these dark dark days way my Fall TV with so many shows (I actually made a time table so that I won’t forget) . This is that time of the year is here where I hibernate, checking out all those new and renewed series trying to make up my mind as to which ones to follow and which ones to chuck. It’s such a nerve wrecking process I tell you. Judging so many new shows is a hard day’s work.

I don’t want to watch some crappy show for a whole season. So, these first few weeks are very important. You have to keep track of all the new timings and the get the proper streaming websites. And then you try your patience streaming them. I have been doing this for the past four years and it still doesn’t get any easier.

I know, I sound like one of those geeks in FanBoys but trust me, watching TV series is a hard and arduous task when you are not living in a dorm without the convenient DC++ around. But after all this time it still feels nice to know that you are just about 5 hours behind the actual screening on TV.

This post is dedicated to the fall TV review, shows you should watch, websites where you can get all this stuff and how to work around all the streaming time outs. Let’s get cracking :) I have listed my series time-table and then we will talk about a few of them.

Warning: Before you go ahead you should understand that I am totally obsessed with most of these TV series and if at any point of time you find my review borderline neurotic please just assume that’s it’s the fanboy inside of me who is trying to come out.

MONDAY

The Good Wife

Homeland

TUESDAY

Castle

How I Met Your Mother

2 Broke Girls

Hart of Dixie

House

WEDNESDAY

Unforgettable

Glee

New Girl

Awkward

THURSDAY

Suburgatory

Modern Family

Revenge

Up All Night

FRIDAY

The Big Bang Theory

The Mentalist

Bones

Parks and Recreation

Prime Suspect

SATURDAY

Haven

Fringe

The Good Wife

I can promise you that if you start watching this series you will love it. Period. And if you are a good wife fan, it’s a foregone conclusion that you are in love with Archie Panjabi’s character. I never thought that she would do such a serious character justice. But here I am now, two seasons later, totally in awe of her.

The story is one of those typical American politicians, cheating on his wife. People find out about the affair. The wife supports the husband, forgives him for all the things that he has done. Now the actual story starts here. You never expect the plotlines and the twists; the subplots are pretty awesome too with a lot of burning legal topics.

Two Broke Girls/ Whitney

I like Whitney Cummings. She is super funny. She has very little material which she keeps on repeating but it is original and hilarious. I keep making my friends watch her videos during our post-dinner-and-drinks parties. So I am kinda excited about these two series.

I already like two broke girls because they have Kat Dennings who is pretty cool in the role. But, the jury is still out on Whitney because it was not that great. I am going to give this maybe another chance over the next 2-3 episodes.

Hart of Dixie

This show looks like a cross between Gilmore Girls and Grey’s Anatomy with a southern twist. And you have the teeny tiny Rachel Bilson as a doctor. It’s a nice show with a decent cast and is all about small town America. And you have Scott Porter as the beau :D You have all the medical stuff that people like with a few heartwarming doctor patient relationships outside the hospital and then the complicated love lives. Is this the new replacement for GG? Time only will tell. For now I am on the road with this one.

House

Hugh Laurie. Period. I am not going to say anything else. Even if this season turns into a total crappo one, I will still be watching it, just for him. He is too good to be true. You don’t believe me, read this article. Seriously, who doesn’t love a good old medical mystery straight from San Quentin :D

Glee

Who in the world wouldn’t like to see a series where the underdog who is tormented by crazy Sue winning the nationals? Throw in some good covers and it’s a guilty pleasure you cannot miss. I have found many a band thanks to glee. And let’s not forget Blaine :) Yes, most people think its totally gay but who cares. I love all those over the top costumes, teenage drama and last but not the least all those awesome celebrity guests!

New Girl

I just saw the pilot and it looks refreshingly new. It has got sorta this indie movie feel to it with Zooey Deschanel playing the part of a heart broken woman (with a good dose of crying and dirty dancing marathons). I hope they will be able to pull it off for the whole season.

Awkward

Ok, I am a total sucker for teen dramas and this one is sorta like the series version of Easy A or maybe a contemporary take on Freaks and Geeks which I totally love. It’s the only show till these days that has captured teenage anguish (total cliché, I know) perfectly. It's the perfect blend of comedy and painful teenage awkwardness, and in the end, the title says it all.

Modern Family

Do I have to say anything? It’s an instant classic and just keeps on piling more and more Emmy’s. It’s one show that’s made me laugh so much after arrested development. Dysfunctional families are the gold mine for best sitcoms it seems :D

Up All Night

I liked this show instantly because of such an awesome cast, Will Arnett (Gob from AD) and Maya Rudolph. And it’s cool. Parenthood for the new age indeed. Great writing, let's see how this one pans out.

Haven

I love Stephen King. He is one the best writers in town and man how many of his novels/short stories are used in Hollywood every year! I think he has set a record there. I like this show’s dark and edgy look with all those super natural phenomenon plotlines and a gripping suspense story line. It keeps surprising me even now though it’s well into the second season.

Prime Suspect

This one I totally did not expect to be good. For one, it’s a remake of a British series (duh, don’t these people have nothing else to do but just recycle!). Cop procedurals are a dime and a dozen I totally agree but this one is different. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this is my favorite new show. It may very well be the best new show premiering this Fall. It’s a smart, un-condescending cop show that is anchored by a fantastic performance by Maria Bello.

Now that I have listed down all the shows that you should consider watching, let’s see where you can find them. If you have an awesome net connection you can probably download all of them the next day from any of the torrent sites. I would suggest btjunkie

If you are one of those unlucky people with super slow net speeds then go for streaming. There are a zillion sites out there hosting all these shows. My favorites are: this and this

Happy Watching! Hope you find a series that you like.

P.S. Hope you like the new look. I was so bored at home that I started tweaking my blog. I know, totally lame, but I had NOTHING else to do.

My Life as a Brand Slut

2011-09-20T13:46:00.006+05:30

I started reading No Logo. I bought this book way back in 2008 on a whim, I liked the idea that this book propagated. It a personal crusade against brands and the corporations behind them. It all sounded so bizarre at first, I mean for a layman like me how would you explain the proliferation of brands and the deterioration of life because of them?

But as I started reading the book I realized that we have become such brand sluts . We want shiny things, we want foreign brands even if are pay three times the actual price for them. In this consumerist culture that is how we define ourselves, by the clothes we wear, the car we drive and the houses we live in and all the things inside.

We want the best of the best. Take a look at mothercare, they sell clothes for kids. The insane prices they charge are justified apparently. They say that these are global brands and they have famous kid designers doing the work for them. And when it comes to our kids we don’t care about the kind of money we spend. The dresses they sell for an infant of one month are over two grand. The buggies we see all those adoring mothers drag their kids around in parks are no less than 20 grand and they are happy to part with the money.

I am one in a million in this consumerist culture where we define ourselves by these things. Heck, even when I buy stuff in Colaba for 200 bucks I look for a brand. We collect air-miles as if they are our prized possessions. I wasted one whole day trying to claim my missing miles, and when I see them finally on my dashboard I am satisfied. This is not a tangible thing I don’t know what I am going to do with those miles but I want them because everyone wants them.

My life is defined by this culture. I went to IIT because it gives me a brand name thereby helping me get my job and then to an IIM because someone said that this would be the next obvious step. I joined this company because of the brand name. Hell, my whole life I have been trying to pigeon-hole myself because someone somewhere decided this would give me the edge and then I could do whatever I want to with my life.

But the reality is so different. So what if I did all those things, is this going to define me as a person? Hell no. I see my friends twitter profiles; their definition for themselves is something like this “IIT IIM McKinsey” or “IIT MIT Blah, Blah”. Were they able to find the elusive thing that they were searching for after getting these tags no one knows. But we let our society decide what we are worth by these things.

Yes, we are respected when we drop these names but what does it say about us? We are using these entities to define the person beneath. And the saddest part of it is that we are playing the role of some pre-defined characters. We corporatize ourselves with blackberrys in one hand and an iPad in the other, waving to the world and telling them how tough life is with all the competition. We cannot or dare not take a different path because everyone expects us to be like this, upstanding citizens.

Where else would we fit in? Are we going to be masked fighters who go out in the dark of the night and pull all those hoardings down? It’s like that movie Revolutionary Road, we dare not take a step back because we are too scared of the consequences. ( I know too many references to this movie already but it haunts me :|) We live and we die in this, contributing to those unnamed corporations.

Guess who I am working for right now? The Bin Laden group :) dream project indeed. I am not being a racist or anything but we gotta do what we gotta do to pay our rents so we will not complain.

P. S. R read this blog and you know what he said, I knew all this before hand; what are you going to do about it? The thing is there is not a single thing that I can do. Hence, the rant :)

My Karaoke Madness

2011-09-09T16:05:00.005+05:30

I have been doing a lot of singing these days (not in front of company if you are wondering that you should visit a hospital to pay respect to them :D). I am a walking talking karaoke machine :). You know I am obsessed with glee and watching it over and over makes singing look so easy. So, I tried once and now I can’t stop not that I am any good at it.

And being alone most of the time does help. I have the music on full volume and sing my way through the whole Glee album. It feels so good! You should try it sometimes. My all-time karaoke favorites, lets see the list :)

Hey Soul Sister, Train (the lyrics are a little weird, the first time I heard it I thought he was singing "your lip stick stinks :D)
Hey there Delilah, Plain White Ts (Okay, its too mushy but c'mon its teenage puppy dog all-things-pink kinda love, how can you now love the song!)
I will follow you into the dark, Death cad for Cutie (I love their lyrics, I dont know how they imagine these situations, but if I want some one to sing a song for me this would be it :))
Raise your glass, Pink (okay, no judging before you hear the song, I am addicted to it!)
A waltz for the night, Julie Delpy (I even tried learning the guitar for this song, but yours truly is not so musically talented :()
Oceans Apart, Julie Delpy (The only girly love song that I like)
Need you now, Lady Antebellum (Here you can totally judge me but to set the record straight, it all started with me making fun of P but now I can’t get this song out of my head :|)
On the radio, Regina Spektor (Its got this very indie-girly-nice feel to it)
À Tout le Monde, Megadeth (Don’t ask me how I can sing along but sometimes I like to channel the inner metal chic :D even though those days are long gone)
Baby its cold outside, Glee version (its so cute, and I heart Blaine!)
Maybe this time, Glee version (This was my anthem during those bad placement days for me)
The dog days are over, Florence and the Machine (this songs literally shouts at you to sing along!)

Will come back to add a few more to the list...

My fatigué de la vie situation

2011-09-06T03:48:00.001+05:30

My life as it has come to an end. There is a dire need for the fatalistic tone, ohh don’t you worry I have so many reasons to start eulogizing about “my so called commitments” that there is nothing left to do. I can kiss my plans of travelling; buying a DSLR and anything/everything I thought I would do.

I thought my trip to Hyderabad would be six days of total relaxation; watching tv, downloading stuff and catching up with my parents and S. Well, it all turned into a bad-saas-bahu-soap as soon as I landed in Hyderabad. I think all this is because I stopped wearing that “magic” ring (the one that my parents bought so it wards off all the bad things that happen to me). Not that knowing the reason is going to help me now. It just makes things worse.

I landed last Tuesday all happy about my shifting to a new place, planning my new life where I would jog by Worli seaface every day and cook exotic things that I would buy from Nature’s Basket. I was actually calling people up and talking to them voluntarily. But it seems that He doesn’t like me being like this, it’s an aberration apparently. Me and excited-bubbly-happy-go-lucky-personality are supposed to be two ends of the spectrum and come what may they would never meet.

And before you get bored about my whole rant let’s get this thing started. So, the reasons, two awesome reasons for my supposed state, let’s just rip the band-aid off.

First Reason: The inevitable mother-daughter conversation

This started off with an ominous visitor from Hell (in the form of my mom’s friend). So, this aunty came to our place yesterday evening. It was a very casual thing, old friends catching up. I don’t know how the whole thing turned into a sob story in which my mother was the protagonist suffering so nobly because her only daughter is refusing to listen to her and living so far away from home and frittering her life away. Half an hour later, my aunt is all updated about my so called life and she starts putting her views on the subject.

Apparently you have to start planning the whole arranged marriage thing when your kid is in class 12 so that by the time she reaches her marriageable age you will stalk all the prospective grooms to know their back stories and take an informed decision. At this point my mom just gave up. She was like I am so far behind now what can I do? So, my aunt suggested that she should give up and let me do the searching, hearing which my mom lost it and started asking incoherent questions: But how? Where? Can I even think in those lines?

Result: My mom started hyperventilating and now I am going to start ignoring her phone calls.

Second Reason: I am beyond broke.

I am going to live like a hippie going only to those places where they serve the cheapest food available and go temple/museums/art galleries. No more spending money.

How did this happen? Well let’s see, this is how it went. I did my MBA for which I took a huge ass loan and on top of it I went for student exchange so add a bit more. Now, I have to pay a third of my salary for the EMI. And I moved into a new place so a third for the rent and well the rest I can spend all of it. Yeah this is the dream.

I can see all the swirling lights and nicely decked people partying and riding in cars, having fun and that world is forever closed to me. I am stuck with this penury. And to top of all of it, my parents are sadistically enjoying this situation. My dad thinks this would be a good lesson for me. Such support!

Result: No more dreams of becoming a photographer, no more travelling.

P.S I guess you be seeing a lot of me in the near future, now that going out as an option is ruled out :)

The heart of Things

2011-09-02T00:05:00.000+05:30

I am reading Soseki these days. He is Murakami’s favorite author, so I thought I should try. I don’t know why I am obsessed with everything Japanese. Their culture fascinates me. It’s so much like ours, conservative to the boot. You can actually relate to a lot of things. And, let’s not forget the two great gifts from Japan to the rest of the world; Anime and Kurosawa.

I found out about this book through Murakami’s blog. I did not delve into the story before buying it. For once I wanted to read some book without any expectations. It’s one of the most depressing books I have read in a while but I couldn’t stop myself from reading it. There is this perverse need to understand the characters, to know why the act the way they do. Its simplistic writing style makes it such an easy read. There are no distractions, just the characters and their struggle with their lives.

The book is divided into three parts. The first deals with the growing relationship between the author and his mentor (Sensai). The second part deals with the age old conflict of generation gap and finally the third part gives us the background as to what motivates Sensei.

I don’t want to talk much about the book, because I would give away the story. But I will put in a few lines that I marked off for myself.

"You see, loneliness is the price we have to pay for being born in this modern age, so full of freedom, independence, and our own egotistical selves."

" I value your opinions because they are the results of your experience. Your opinions would be worthless otherwise. They would be like soulless dolls."

I would definitely recommend the book because in such a simplistic way it talks about how we try to be so idealistic when we are young and as we grow we become more disenchanted because of what we have been through and it changes the way we look at things. It’s a sad story but a story of such simple emotions and how they shape our lives.

My Brighter Discontent

2011-09-01T20:34:00.002+05:30

I am officially done with GoT, after a long fight with Dance with Dragons. I had to lug around to three airports to finally finish it only to find out the “great twist”. I even misplaced the Grant Sweets box (with mysore pak and ribbon pakora :() because I was so engrossed reading it and I accidentally picked up someone else’s packet (It had some questionable items and lots of tacky jewelry and handbags).

I was so dedicated to this book and for what? To find out that he changes the whole story and I have to wait forever to find out what happens next. I HATE GRR right now. The guy took 5 years to write the frigging book and there is nothing but build up for the next one. There are no big moments in the 1200 pages, just POVs and more POVs. I am sick of it. S is yet to read the book so I had to rant about it somewhere; spending more time on discussion boards is so not helping me. So, I have decided to move on with my life. I am not going to think about it for the next five or six years till the next book comes.

I need something totally absorbing to move on. Someone please help! I need a new series STAT!

My Mother's Point of View

2011-08-30T12:36:00.009+05:30

I was watching “What happens in Vegas” the other day. I know it’s a pretty crappy movie with some really bad dialogues and bad acting. There is this one scene where the woman talks about the day her perfect day on the beach. (It sounds super corny). This time it reminded me of 9 stories, "A Perfect Day for Bananafish". There is no connection whatsoever, in the first one the woman is happy about her life and in the second the guy commits suicide (the perfect guy, Seymour Glass, whom I used to idolize for the better part of my teenage life). Weird cross connection that I make...

These days all I can think of is having a normal life. Not the kingfisher ad of good times but a life where I am happy. Very cliché but there it is, my new motto. This whole thought process started off with this conversation I had with my mother. Me and my mom don’t have too many things to talk about these days, the conversation starts off with my health (rather how badly I am screwing it up), my money saving trait or the lack of it and my brother (he is enjoying his life in sunny Florida while I am stuck here giving daily reports to my mom).

This particular conversation did not take the usual route though. It went something like this “One of your cousins is married and the other one is in a relationship, ergo you are the only spinster in the house. I know that you lead an unhappy life and you cry yourself to sleep every night because of your incomplete life” (ok, I am paraphrasing but the gist was very clear). So there I was totally clueless about my mom’s mood and I got into this shit headlong without any warning.

It got me thinking, not that I am crying myself to sleep and eating anything and everything I could lay my hands on like in that song hey there Delilah (the parody version). But, I could understand my mom’s side of things. I don’t have a life. I live with three other people in a tiny apartment. I am literally living out of a box. I have a bed on which I spend most of my day; I could be a stationary object for that matter. This was not the life I thought I would be living.

The only good thing is that I read a lot these days. I am addicted to flipkart. I flipkart more than I facebook. I keep making wishlists and more reading lists; I research about new books if I am free night or day. But there is that niggling feeling at the back of my head that my mom might be right.

How am I supposed to convince my mother that I am content with this life when I am actually not? But the reasons are quite different. I want to travel. I keep making plans of travelling to Vietnam, Korea, Ladakh, NY. But how and when I have no idea, but I do know that I don’t want to stay put in Mumbai for the next four years playing my role of a Dilbert character.

I am going home for a week today. I am scared of what might happen there. P thinks it’s a huge conspiracy that I am not telling her about my impending “engagement”. Her argument, why do you have to go home for a week JLT? I most definitely cannot convince her.How can I tell her that my mother dearest has requested my presence to see for herself that I am doing good and not adopted ten stray cats :D

Anyways, the rant continues. Will be back soon with stories from Hyderabad.

Her Thoughts

2011-08-05T18:01:00.001+05:30

I have never actually posted someone else's work on my blog, it seems too impersonal to me. But today I cant stop from publishing this post I found in Thought Catalog. I read this and kept reading it, it seems to me that whatever I have been trying to write for the past two months has been written much more poignantly by this person who lives half way across the world. How can I not post this?

If you have some free time on your hand you should definitely check this website. I have been going through their posts all afternoon and they made me think, made me cry and made me write.

So here goes,

Goodbye, My Friend by Kat George

Transience is second nature to the itinerant—as soon as someone blows into your life they’re gone again, sometimes you don’t even notice, but sometimes you find yourself spiraling upward in a violent whirlwind, with no idea where it’s taking you. Not everyone that breezes into your life will make a lasting impact—hell, most won’t—but the ones that do are all the more special for standing out in wave after wave of yawn-inducing dinners, party pals who absent themselves from your life for 5 days of the week, and toast-textured acquaintances (everyone likes toast, but no one goes out of their way for it).

I left my family and friends: the people who have known me my entire life. The ones that have seen me fly and the ones that have seen me fall. The ones that understand me so innately they know what I’m thinking before I think it; what I feel before I feel it. The ones with which the most intimate details of our lives pass between us as innocuously as the air we breathe. The absence of these people from my daily life creates a hollow nook in the space beneath my ribs, and yet I know they are just there (wherever “there” may be), as solid and immovable history, existing regardless of where I am or what I’m doing.

Being alone is lovely—between the pangs for those human horcruxes, the ones into which I’ve split and imbibed a tiny fraction of my soul—I have a certain happiness that comes with adventuring in the world. I meet people all the time. Even when you’re all alone in bed at night you still have the train and the sirens. And I’ve never been someone who has been afraid of being alone—to the contrary, I relish it.

So I take the new people that flow in and out of my life into my arms and they help me make memories. But they’re just that—memories. They’re not history, not like you. As much as I can love my new friends in an instant, many of them will someday be gone from my life and the memory will simply be mine and mine alone because I don’t know where they’ve taken it, how they’ve adapted it, or if and how it continues to affect them. And maybe I will modify my own memories, so that they become more like myths than stories of actual happening.

But then you came along. I’m still not sure what it is that makes two people right together—whether it’s us or simply a perfect alignment of circumstances in which a certain relationship can evolve—whatever, we are right together. In this vast city where everything and everyone is coming and going at a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it-pace, we found a way to stand still together. At first we were like the rest—sharing boozey nights, raucous banter and conversations about where we’d traveled, our jobs and the weather. Amongst it all, we found something to hang onto in a place where everyone is losing their grip; and that’s how you became one of my very closest friends.

We always knew you’d have to go, and now that the day’s actually upon us, I can hardly believe it. Of overflowing Facebook invites, crowded bars filled with friends-of-friends and their friends, and fleeting, blurry, between the sheets entanglements from which I slink away in the early hours of the morning, we somehow made a connection. Now that you’re going, I’m afraid of what I’ll do without you. It’s taken me this long to find someone here that understands how the pieces of me click together, and who, in turn, I can understand in a way that sometimes doesn’t need words. I guess this is cheesy or something, but I really am so sad to see you go. There was something so comforting just knowing that you were only blocks away, that we could meet for beers and shuffleboard in the afternoons and that you still wanted to be my friend when I’d cry for no reason. So goodbye, for now, my friend. You etched your own little niche in the dug-out beneath my ribs, and I’ll take you with me everywhere I go.

My Crazy Stupid Friends

2011-08-03T20:58:00.002+05:30

Okay let’s see: This is the situation. You are stuck in traffic for ages in a creaking old taxi and and all you want to do is go back home and have a nice warm bath. But the taxi never moves and you just want to get out and run till you can’t anymore. This is exactly what I have been feeling the last few days. I was not stuck in a taxi for seven days straight. Oh that would have been much better than what I have been dealing with.

So, K is in town: meaning a very very long weekend of catching up with all those long lost Hell friends, which you might know I like better than slow torture by Jack Bauer.

Thursday

I was dragged to Blue frog after waiting for the “ladies” to get to the place for two hours. It was not the usual bunch; we had some of K’s office buddies with us too. Oh Joy! One’s my name sake (Okay, the chic had Eminem and Ludacris as her wallpaper, cmon!). and the other a gult. While I tried to enjoy my nice Chilean wine K starts gesturing that I should take to the other gult on the table because he was getting bored. When did I become the go-to-person-for-befriending-gults duh!!? So, I try and I try to make conversation while the band was playing “I just love Janis Joplin” :(.

And in the meanwhile this junior of mine messaged me that he was in Blue Frog the same night so I thought meeting him would mean less face time with K’s friends. Boy was I wrong, I was stuck with him for half hour where he explains me the travails of an IITian which I might say would be as interesting as let’s say reading War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (no offense). But, the second band was really good and they did remind me of a certain time and place which still makes me happy.

Friday

Normal people who work don’t go out every fucking night. But, when did I ever say that my friends are normal. So, there I was at 10 in the night in front of Not Just Jazz by the Bay all dressed up and waiting for people to turn up while it was raining cats and dogs all over the city. The rains don’t deter every one and most definitely not P. She wanted to go to retro night so we are there or she would drag us kicking and screaming, so I took the less painful way out (while she weaseled out my favorite dress :().

This was one of those things I planned to do when I was in Mumbai though with different company but what the hell seize the day and all that shit. So, there I was with the same crowd but listening to CCR and singing on top of my voice when they played “I will survive”. Clichéd, but it works, sometimes not always but definitely sometimes.

Saturday

You know when weekends were the days when you just sleep around and just by yourself. I don’t think I am ever going to get those days back. So, come rain or shine I had to be out by 2 in the afternoon to drink my way to oblivion. We went to Salt Lake Café, this time it was me, P, K, Tom and Mark. I had a good time, comparatively of course at this place. Unlimited Sangria does help.

Then, we made way to Phoenix where we were supposed to go to Comedy Store only we found out it was Vagina Monologues not the regular stand-up act. The guys literally blanched when they heard this. They wanted to find a pub as soon as possible away from the feminist propaganda :D

Then we made our way through Canvas, Totos and finally found a table in Boat Club. This place was I think kept in a time capsule all through the 90s. They were playing such awesome songs and they had UV lights, disco balls, weird posters and the best Smoke machines!! It was like I was transported back to the disco era. We did try to dance but couldn’t do it.

The day finally ended at Papa Panchos which I should say is a pretty funny name for a Punjabi Dhaba. But they were open at 1 in the night, so can’t complain. After a failed attempt to play mafia and a lot of gossip later, we finally called it a day. I should say I had fun, I actually did. It was a one off thing, let’s just call it a fluke and end the discussion.

Sunday

Sunday, bloody Sunday where I was supposed to be dragged to a dance club. Thank god for low funds all around, the plan got cancelled. I don’t know what it is with me and dance clubs I cannot seem to muster interest to go one. I have been to more than enough of those for this life time. I feel I am too old for this shit. My best night out would be an Irish Pub, few friends, a little gossip, good music and some good conversation. I am a woman of simple tastes :D

So, we were off again pub hopping this time it was Leopolds and then back to Totos. There was one more addition from the old H3 crowd. All I could think of when I was sitting there: “I can’t take this anymore, just fucking leave already!” Too much of anything is never good for you.

One week I am stuck alone in a hotel room no one to talk to, and the next I am surrounded with so many people that I can’t keep up. How shall I find the elusive balance?

P.S. I am channeling my inner drama queen a lot these days :D

My Crazy Night

2011-07-22T23:51:00.012+05:30

I have been planning to meet my friends from my previous life for the last two days.Thanks to my new bosses it actually took me forever to even call them. Okay let’s see the reasons

1. Idea sucks, I don’t have a network EVER!
2. My colleagues have no life, the work and the sleep. Repeat till the end of WoW :)
3. I have no backbone, I don’t like conflict at least not in the first week of the project
4. All my team does is gossip, like fishermen’s wives (it’s freaking 9 30 in the night and they don’t even move an inch!)

Note: My job is taking a toll on my writing skills; I am making bullet points even here. Please forgive me, occupational hazard :)

I was stuck in office till 10 in the night for two days straight. Yesterday I had to meet everyone so it was lunch with K, then dinner and drinks with MS and KS. I did make it to Murugan Idli for lunch, thank god for small favours :). Its nice meeting KK, she is one of those people who I can meet 10 years later and still we will have 100 things to talk about. She quit her old job and now she is working for ING Netherlands. How cool is that? She was in Amsterdam for around 3 months the last time and now she is going for around 6 months. I wish I had such a job. Anyways we reminisced the good old days of wandering across Europe and made awesome plans which I am sure are never going to happen. I did my customary Fab India shopping in GNC Road, without it my trip to Chennai would be a blasphemy.

And I was stuck again till 9 in the night with another pointless meeting. I was seriously trying to channel Dexter. The torture finally did end and I literally ran out at 9 15 and met up with MS and KS.

It’s nice to see some familiar faces, have the same old debates and reminisce the older, better part of our lives. This was one of the best night outs in a really long time. MS had a car and this time I finally found out how good it was to travel around Chennai when you have your own vehicle (S, I might not have had as much fun as you did, but now I truly envy you).

It was fun trying to find your way through the city, even though I have lived for two years I don’t remember a single road. MS had a hard time finding Bikes with my awesome directional skills. Confession: I am BAD at giving directions because I am directionally challenged; it’s a known psychological disorder. These guys were laughing their asses off for so long imitating me. Talk about being insensitive! Huh!

Anyways, here I was trying to get back into a good mood by recreating the whole atmosphere and splash comes the bouncer who looks like Vijay Kanth in that movie where he moves the train with his hand. He actually threatened me that I should get out the place by 10 30 with a menacing look on his face saying or else!

Bikes has changed. It has become a watering hole for all those middle management men with their starched shirts and drooping faces. It’s no fun trying to eavesdrop. But they did upgrade my favorite part with nice comfy furniture so I am not complaining. I did have fun drinking just like old times and gossiping like old ladies. In the end we had to chug our drinks because we overstayed our welcome. It did feel like old times (I missed you terribly S :()

We got out the place still unfed because the kitchen was closed. The idea of going to the beach at night has a sort of universal appeal to all the drunks in the world. I was drunk ergo, I said hell yeah! It was so much fun racing on the streets of Chennai at 11 30 in the night trying to take over a BMW and pissing off the driver twice. We finally reached the beach at around 11 45 only to be thwarted by the police men saying that “anna!! ladies safety, not allowed!”

We started driving around and landed in front of Meridian near the airport. I love the all night dining in hotels for a lot of reasons and now I have one more. Where else in the world would you get a blue berry cheese cake at 1 in the night? We talked and bitched about our jobs and our lives. And as usual KS imparted some very useful gyan about life and eveything else. I finally got back to my hotel at 2 in the morning only to be given the stink eye from all the night watchmen. (Somethings never change :))

But yeah I guess this is what I needed to get back to normal/human otherwise I would have sunk into the world of Game of Thrones. I dream and live in that world these days, and the reasons to live in the fantasy are growing at a very fast rate.

Next stop Hyderabad for a very short weekend. See you on the other side. Ciao!

My Empty Room

2011-07-19T23:50:00.001+05:30

All this past week I have been in Chennai, the land of the lost. The city that I have spent the best part of two years, the city where I thought that I found myself and got lost again. Chennai always has this nostalgic longing associated to it. But the reality is so different.
It’s like a visual diary reminding you have all the good things and all the bad things tumbled into one huge blast from the past. The last few visits to Chennai have so fleeting that I never took time to stop and think. I was always running, and now I have stopped and it definitely is not looking rosy any more. I don’t like the familiar smells and the accustomed hangouts. It reminds me of a simpler time and a stupider me. I don’t think I can even live in Chennai because it’s like a time machine transporting into your past with every familiar trigger. It’s like that episode from Love Bites, things tainted can never be normal again however much you want them to be. You can never exorcise it.

I have been spending a lot of time in hotel rooms these days. They kind of bring things into perspective. I have never felt lonely in a really long time. I never thought I would feel this way; I am not one of those people who need someone around all the time. I rather like to be alone, with a good book and my laptop. I lived alone for three months in a big empty house but never did I feel so desolate. I guess the whole depressing hotel atmosphere just added to the equation. To add to my misery, my phone was not working. It was me in a dumpy room, which for some reason was so cold that I had to dig into the bed and stay still to stop from shivering. Winter is coming.

This trip actually helped me out in making some hard decisions. I cannot settle in Chennai. I have to find another city, maybe Bangalore or maybe somewhere far way where the past has absolutely no influence on me.

My New Obsession

2011-07-18T23:49:00.003+05:30

I found it! I finally found my next obsession :). After a long wait of almost three years (the last time I got this excited was maybe for true blood season 1) I have found the thing I have been waiting for. Game of thrones (GOT).

I know that I not one of those First Men who read the book before the series, I am just another series-watching-low-IQ-idiot who stumbled upon this gem. The first season of the show hasn't been just good for a fantasy series; it's been an amazing piece of storytelling, full stop. I love the story and the insane twists. You can never ever guess whats going to happen next. If that’s not good enough for you, they have dragons. There are some series that are too good to be true and this is one of them. The stellar star cast and such brilliant character development, even though there are like a million of them is just awesome.

Let me describe how I felt after the season ended. It a little long, but bear with me. You know when we used to read Sherlock Holmes, the best part of the story would be when Holmes casually discusses the whole plotline as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world and then we have the Aha moment. Here at the end of season 1, the moment never comes, they have fucked up the whole story and whatever you thought was going to happen is definitely not the plot and you have no clue as it where things are going and it ends.

I just couldn’t sleep that night. The next day I went to Landmark and bought the rest of the series (I don’t want to finish a book and waste time getting the next one, it’s too much pressure). Last Sunday has been solely dedicated to finishing the second book. I did not eat my lunch or dinner (I might have finished my roommate’s biscuits but I don’t remember :)); I just drank gallons of green tea to stop myself from chewing my nails. I kept reading till 3 in the night till I finished it. I love this feeling when you are totally involved with something that you don’t think about the mundane things in life like work and food and stuff.

I went to office on Monday thinking about what Arya is going to do and how Jon is going to get away from the Wildlings. I could not shake off from the trance and the best part of it was P also saw the show. We met for lunch and you should have seen both of us, it was like a scene out of comic con sans the glaring costumes, we were acting like a bunch of fanboys (okay girls!). We were discussing the story for almost an hour and if someone heard our conversation they would definitely have thought we were a little you-know-what :)

I know you think that I am kinda losing my grip over reality but trust me; it’s the best feeling in the world. It’s like being drunk but on something far better. That’s why I always have a love/hate relationship with these kinds of series. I can’t get back to normal life till I am done with the whole lot. I can’t stop in between and resume my daily schedule. This is the only reason I haven’t started WoT yet.

I am going to take some time before I return to my virtual existence. I have three books to finish before mid-august, and then I will get the 5th book. So, as you can see my hands are pretty much tied up.

I would suggest that you watch this series as soon as possible. And if you can’t get them, I can probably courier them over :D

My Issues

2011-07-07T22:17:00.002+05:30

Sorry for abrupt post the last time, as I was telling you I was too busy watching mentalist. Anyhoo, it’s all done now, I found out who Red John was so, peace. Talking about the post-mentalist period, I get by these days by not answering my phone. You wonder why. Because 90% of the time its P. Let’s see how it goes.

6 PM: Incoming Call, Ignored

6.02 PM: Message: Bitch I m am going to kill you! Pick up the phone

6.10 PM: Message: I am super pissed you better call!!!

6.15 PM: Reply: Dude, I m busy, working till 9. Can’t make it to Totos/Movie/Marine Drive/Colaba

6.20 PM: Message: You are gonna die!

This is how my life is talking to people only via message because I am busy. Remember, a few posts ago, how happy I was about the job, its 10 to 6, I don’t have to work on weekends, my boss is super cool. Well, it’s all a big lie! I am working my ass off every day and they have put me in another project even before the current one ended. My next week is going to be so freaking bad. Mumbai-Bangalore-Mumbai-Chennai. I have to finish the 11^th hour work of one project and jump headlong into another.

And on top of it P wants to go everywhere. Me , the plan ditcher thinks otherwise, you see when you have been working you ass off all day, you would rather go sleep than go to some pub and get sloshed.I like my lazy Sundays though. We go to Colaba, shop around a bit, walk to Marine drive, and have a nice take out dinner from Bade Miyan with the cool sea breeze and a hot cup of coffee.

P hijacked our Saturday night tradition and invited over some more people from our Hell Days. It was so bad, I was in Totos, they had REM playing in the background and here I am making small talk. I would rather sit at home and do nothing that go out and meet people, which P obviously doesn’t get, so the tiff is still on.

Anyways enough of the family drama, lets get to the good part. My new find, These days by Nico. I am so in love with the lyrics, it’s the perfect song for me right now.

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.
La la la la la, la la.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them

Such perfect lyrics and Nico’s voice is so haunting, check out the Elliot Smith cover too. These lyrics seem to say the exact things that I have been trying to write for quite some time. Don’t you feel lucky when you find a song like that :) One of my friends have this gift of finding the right song for every occasion. I wish I can do that but I try. Anyways not too much happening right now the final dead line lurking round the corner.

Ohh I totally forgot I am going to Chennai for my next project. I am already dreaming of Murugan Idlis. After going to Madras Café and Komalas, all I can think of is the perfect Sambar (It’s not too much to ask is it?)

Au revior, à bientôt

My Random Thoughts

2011-06-30T00:03:00.014+05:30

I am back from my mean reds. Actually they dint last that long, thanks to my Bangalore trip. I was in there for just one day, but meeting S and having her whip my ass off for my so called taking-the-easy-way-out-lika-a-wuss did me a lot of good.

I was there last week; obviously it was a business trip, thanks to the interim meeting that we had with the client. We were supposed to make the presentation and get back to Mumbai the same evening, but I talked my manager into letting me stay the night in the city :)

I love Bangalore, but I never actually admitted it till now because I was always in the I-heart-chennai brigade. But then after living in Mumbai, going to any other city would make you think that you have time traveled to the future. Everything is so squeaky clean and you see new building everywhere and the people look better (I swear, they looked more friendly!). I know I am exaggerating but that’s how it was.

I was supposed to do a lot of things in Bangalore. Pecos for a cool beer and nice music, Blossoms for some good books and finally to Spratt for a hair cut which is very much needed. But I went to S’s place and crashed. So, yeah I went all the way to Bangalore to catch some sleep!

But then it worked out pretty well, I got up all rested and went to 13^th Floor, which I must say is pretty good. When I am with S I don’t give a crap as to how much I drink. I got drunk on champagne (it was just Sula Brut :)). It was nice, just like old times when we used to get drunk in Bikes and talk and talk (generally S talking me listening giving me gyan about the shit that I do and sometimes vice versa)

Anyhoo, so today I watched Bridesmaids today and I was just reminded of Bangalore. I loved this movie, not in a its-funny-time-pass way but in a serious that-can-be-your-life way. It’s a story about two friends and how everything changes when one is going to get married and the other whose life is a literally in the drain. I could so totally relate to a few scenes (S, you know what I am talking about). It is so funny because it is all so painfully real.

I am in awe of Kristen Wiig, she is so awesome. I loved her witty banter and the ohh-so-real moments between her and Maya Rudolph. Everyone was saying that it’s like Hangover for women. But this movie is so not that. It has character, it’s a classic! There are no over the top stunts, no silly adventures but very real circumstances. And they have IT crowd’s Roy as the male lead!

I would totally suggest you to watch this one. Its not going to get released till august. So, download it off the net or live stream it but don’t miss it.

I have a lot to write about but I am watching Mentalist and I have a deadline, I need to finish season 2 by this weekend.

Je suis désolé :)

My Birthday

2011-06-18T22:30:00.004+05:30

Its official now, I am old. I am 25 :(. It’s like in that novel Veronica decides to die, I have had all the great experiences in my life, everything’s going to go downhill from now. Not that I had so many “great” experiences, I have had my shares of ups and downs, happy memories and not so happy ones. All in all it had been a happening life or so it seemed to be. I am not committing suicide or anything. Just so you know.

If you have read my blog, you would know my birthday has always been a sore spot for me, from being almost stood up to thrown out of pubs to celebrating the whole day in an auto I had really great experiences. But this time it was not like that, my roommates threw me a surprise party, which actually was a surprise. They bought me a cake, P landed in our PG with another cake and she bought me Nina Ricci. I went to Comedy store to celebrate with P and RS. We had a great time, drinking and laughing till our faces hurt.

You know that there is a “but” coming, don’t you? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am so restless about everything that is going in my life right now. I like my job, it has its own drawbacks but the work is good and it’s actually interesting sometimes. I live in a great city. There are so many things that I could do. Company is not a problem, P is always there and with her, her posse of HelLites. But for the life of me I cannot get excited about anything. It’s like I am dead inside.

I went shopping for my birthday. I went to Zara, FCUK, M&S, Vero Moda and blah blah blah. I used to love shopping once upon a time. A new dress would always make me happy, however bad my mood was. But, now I couldnt muster enough enthusiasm to even try. There I was in the place that could make me happy, just by going there breathing in the air not six months ago and now I just don’t care. Even P gave up on me.

I have no idea what to do. I am not interested in anything. I come back from office, change and just settle down on my bed and stay there for the next three hours making inane conversation or watching some random shit. And then the whole cycle repeats itself.

Should I start taking some anti depressants or something? I don’t know why I am being so melodramatic. I am dead on my feet and still I can’t stop writing. I will get out of this mood soon and come up with a more cheerful blog.

Untill then

P.S. It's just the birthday blues talking, let's just forget about this post

The Weekend That Was

2011-06-06T15:52:00.003+05:30

So, finally P is here ergo my days of sleeping are numbered. She landed on Friday and I haven’t been able to sleep more than 10 hrs since then. I have done more things over the last three days than in the whole month.

Friday

We decided to take the whole reunion weekend slow and headed to Palladium. And with a warm welcome from our resident rain gods and even better taxi walas, we had a nice long walk to and fro. Did I tell you I did not shop even though I went to Zara! I think something is seriously wrong with me. I am thinking twice before buying anything, this is something totally alien for me. My mantra till now was, you like it you buy it. I think it’s the Gujju influence kicking in a little late. But, it’s nice walking in the rain, enjoying the smells (well if you like fish, then you would like these too :)) and catching up.

Saturday

I was tired after the whole window shopping and walking and I so did not want to wake up early but P had other plans. She duped me into thinking that it was 11 when it was actually 9! So there I was totally cranky and getting ready to meet her “committee” people. I am not a people person (I guess I don’t have to prove the point :)) but when it comes to her so called “friends” I lose it every single fucking time. They are loud, they are stingy and over and on top of it they are super rude.

Anyways it was my first weekend; I was not going to let anyone spoil it. These guys wanted to see Kung Fu Panda 2, I was actually happy about this because you don’t have to make conversation and we are “hanging out” with them. I was all in for it.

But as usual fate was against us, after wasting almost two hours due to really nice directions given, we reached the multiplex after the interval. You know how you go to Nariman Point from Lower Parel? This is how: Lower Parel – Santa Cruz – Church Gate – Nariman Point.

But the good parts of the rather tiring day

1. Walked around Nariman Point while it was drizzling (should have taken my camera :()

2. Took a ferry ride like proper tourists

3. Travelled via local and this time it was a smooth ride :)

4. Went to Leopold’s Café and ate good food after a long time

5. Checked out Totos, Hawaiin Shack and finally settled down at Mumbai Times Café

All in all an eventful day and it did have its high points. Talking of high points, did you know the Bombay is not safe for guys? Two of my guy friends here were approached not once, not twice but at least 6-7 times in the past one year where they were asked out!

They met these people quite innocently in bus stops, railway stations, cabs and they were nicely chatting away to glory. And the best part of this was they were clueless about the hidden agenda and they gave their mobile numbers. Now they are victims of never ending missed calls. We were laughing so badly when we heard this sob story. For once there is a guy complaining that he is getting 15 missed calls a day from this other dude who wants to go out with him. It was freaking hilarious. Totally made my day!

P. S. I don’t have anything against gays it’s just that the situation of how they pick their dates is funny.

Sunday

It started off as any other Sunday with me waking up at 1 in the afternoon and having breakfast at 2. So we go to Colaba afterwards and guess what she will be staying in a sea face hotel for two freaking months! Banks I say, too much money and they don’t know how to waste!!

Went to Café Mondegar, this would be the place where you will find me on all Sundays. It was so nice; they had this cute juke box and pretty good song-list. Obviously, I requested a song (CCR Cotton Fields) and guess who all were singing along….all the 40+crowd. So, there is my target audience :D. And the kicker, they was this really cute guy who started fiddling around the juke box and I was hoping that he would play some nice song. Would you want to guess the request? Baby Baby Justin Beiber! What is wrong with the world!

Shopped till I dropped to accept my totally ironic situation and came back home after a quiet coffee in Leopold’s. I like Colaba, it’s like this never ending street of shiny things and bright lights. You feel like buying everything! And the whole fort area reminds me some French city, all of a sudden you are surrounded by these old buildings, it would be nice to just roam around that whole area and take pictures, which I am going to do once these rains stop (which might be never).

So, my weekend was pretty hectic and I actually did not write about the best part, I am still thinking whether I should go down that road or not. Will let you know soon.

Last Night

2011-06-02T20:47:00.008+05:30

With not much work on my hands and no tv series I am back to movie watching. I watched Last Night again (guilty as charged). I can’t seem to get enough of this movie (or Guillaume Canet to be honest with you :) ). I have had long conversations about this movie with almost all of my friends. We have talked about every single detail and I still am not over it. I am not the kind of person who harps about one movie for months. But, something in this movie kind of struck a chord.

The story is pretty straight forward when you read the blurb:

“It follows a married couple, apart for a night while the husband takes a business trip with a colleague to whom he's attracted. While he's resisting temptation, his wife encounters her past love.”

I read this almost six months back and I was definitely not interested in watching another movie about infidelity. It was such a surprise to see how the story was handled.

Spoiler Alert: I can’t stop discussing the movie, so if you want to watch it please stop right here :)

Keira Knightley and Sam Worthington star as Joanna and Michael, a married couple living in NYC. They have been married four years. At a party, she meets his colleague Laura (Eva Mendes) and immediately suspects foul play. They go home later that evening and argue over the obvious question — did he, or didn’t he?

They settle their argument and the following day, The next morning he heads off on a business trip with… go on, guess :). Meanwhile she pops out for coffee and, as fate would have it, is reunited with an estranged lover, suave Parisian Alex (Guillame Canet). They make plans to have dinner later that evening where we are left to question — will she, or won’t she?

The remainder of the movie flips back and forth between the four of them as we see the games they play.

Last Night was heartbreaking for me. Watching the events unfold between these people and getting invested in whether or not they succeeded or failed as couples was emotionally exhausting. And really, there was no right answer.

And I think that says a lot about the directing, the writing and the stars. Guillaume Canet was a bit of a weasel but he was so charming that you can’t not like him. The chemistry between him and Knightley was very real. I was rooting for the husband to cheat because then she could be with Alex. I know it’s morally wrong but they seem so perfect for each other, the poet and the writer.

But in the end when you think about it, she was the one who actually cheated on her husband even though he slept with the other woman. He was not contemplating on leaving his wife for this woman. For him it was just another night. For her, as she so eloquently puts it “whenever we have problems in our marriage, I think about you”. That statement sums it all up.

What worked best about Last Night for me was that it was real and natural. These characters could have been anyone I know. The situation in which they found themselves could have happened to anyone. The movie was a portrait of one night in the lives of these four characters that I just happened to be sharing.

Finally, its done. I wanted to write about this movie for almost a month but dint find time. I will be back with another review soon :)

Back in Mumbai

2011-05-31T08:45:00.000+05:30

After a nice week long vacation/project work in Hyderabad I am back in Mumbai. I dont mind the weather that much when you compare it with the notorious summers of Hyd. Anyways, P is coming over this weekend and we are having a "The Place Reprieve". Looking forward for my first paycheck after a really long time. No more poor me :D I can go shop in Zara! Yippie!!

My First Month

2011-05-25T21:40:00.001+05:30

I did not realize till my grandmother pointed out to me that it has been one month since I joined my new job. I am already cribbing about the work so I guess celebrating was the last thing on my mind. But, in a way I did celebrate, I met silly-boi and J for lunch and had a great time catching up so I guess no worries.

I kinda sorta talked about my project in another post. Anyways, I am working on this uber cool assignment. I am doing market feasibility for a big consumer product firm. It’s a great opportunity to apply all that I have learnt in B-School. (If you are wondering whether I am on crack or something, please don’t worry I am trying this new anti-everything writing trick, instead of cribbing I just wrote about all those great things about my project).

As a part of the project they sent me to Hyderabad. Oh the joy! I thought they have staffed me after looking at my resume and seeing a strategic fit. Ahem, ahem. It was a very simple decision for them, they wanted someone who knows telugu and yours truly was the only vela person available :) My manager is amazing. She calls us for a meeting every day and goes “this is what I want you to do today…” So, every day during the last two weeks we did primary research in Mumbai and I am doing the same thing in hyd. Now, I don’t have a clue about the either city, and I am supposed to move from one part to another and talk to Pan Walas, Grocery store owners and Supermarket store managers. For those who missed the most important part of the last sentence Pan Walas!

My first assignment and I am running around pan shop to pan shop where these guys are staring at me as if I have gone crazy. The pan walas are so chatty, they won’t leave you even when you say “thik hai bhaiyya, dhanyawad”. They are ready with their solutions for the product “Madam, aap ko killer ads banane ka, Shahrukh ya Sachin ko leneka, phir aap ka maal solid bikega”. They will keep on talking and you have to smile away to glory and make notes, because you have the client with you all the time like your shadow.

My dad keeps shouting at me. He is like, why did you study so much when all you do is running around the city like a sales girl. Actually I do look like one in my formals, a hand bag in one hand and the sample bag in another, going around from one shop to another asking them to try my new jelly drink (it’s a hush-hush thing so please keep it a secret!)

But there are some good things about the whole surveying process. I am with the client so I get a nice shiny car with a chauffeur who opens your door whenever you get out. I can get used to it. I get to go to nice restaurants to eat out. It’s all short lived though, the client left today so from tomorrow it’s the city bus for me ( You ask me why, according to my pay grade manual I am supposed to take public transport only, meaning no black and yellow taxis/autos). My life has its up and downs, living in 5 star hotels one day, road side homeless person the next; Honda City one day, city bus the next.

All in all not a bad experience at least I am not stuck to my desk. I am hoping that the next part of the project would be better. Even though a lot of my colleagues predicted, I did not commit suicide after a month of working in the company, I am still alive and kicking.

My Cousin's Wedding

2011-05-22T20:56:00.008+05:30

I have been writing a lot these days, the one reason I could think of, for this prolific streak would be avoiding change. Change of place, of friends and everything. This is one is safer and less risk prone if you may. I rant and rave and I feel good about this whole cathartic process. It’s like an open source shrink appointment.

This post I dedicate to the final chapter or the conclusion of the whole mess that has been happening for the past few months. My cousin’s wedding. It was yesterday, so I am back home after almost being awake for 48 hours straight, dealing with all those last minute problems like the make-up ladies, the saree tying disasters, the after-wedding details etc.

A few days ago, I was snooping around my brother’s fb profile (okay, I do that sometimes, you know just to check up on him, he is my baby brother!!). I found this link for some photographer, he turned out to be one that specializes in weddings. I loved the way he took all those candid shots. They is something very real about these pictures, they don’t look like those heavy wedding albums that people generally get out of their closets when you visit them. You know the ones that I am talking about!The ones where the bride and the groom are made to stand in all those weird poses. They photo shop the lot with some really bright background and viola your album is ready.

I loved his work and kind of got inspired. I have been interested in photography lately and the last trip with S and Motu only confirmed this. I wanted to buy a DSLR asap. But I made do with the point and shoot one and got to work as soon as I reached my cousin’s place. I wanted to capture all those candid moments.

I missed the Sangeet, the day before. No Mehndi :(. The last gult wedding that I attended was probably 8 years ago. I don’t remember any of the customs so I was interested to know about all those arcane traditions. My grandma obliged and she started telling me in details of each and every one of them. I couldn’t understand them as in why do they do all these things.

There is this thing where the bride’s nails are supposed to be cut by a barber before she goes out of the house on the wedding day. The wedding was at 10 in the morning so the barber had to come at around 3 30 AM to do the manicure/pedicure session. I couldn’t understand the significance of it, but apparently this was a very important step. Did you know that women are not allowed to cut their nails with knives or whatever instruments they had before nail-cutters in those days. They can chew them off but can never use anything to cut before marriage. How weird is that!

The next thing was that the veil between the bride and groom is supposed to be held there by the laundry men. And the list goes on. My grandma is very accommodative about the whole process though. Whichever of these customs are plausible in the current situation, we were going to follow them and the others are too old fashioned for us.

We had to go there to the venue at around 6 in the morning because we had to get ready well before the muhurat. I had to wear a saree which for the life of me can’t be done without at least two people helping me. And, I am just a bridesmaid :). Think of the bride's plight! So, I was getting ready while overlooking my cousin’s make-up ministrations.

And on top of it I had to be the unofficial photographer, so I got ready in like half an hour (with my mom’s help, she told me later that I regressed into a 10 year old arguing with her about her saree tying skills :)). I managed to get a few shots of the bride getting ready. They look very pretty; you know the natural look where you see the progress of the beautiful bride in the kanchivaram saree.

With all that under control, I had to get into the crowd, you know do all the mingling and talking to random strangers and answer their innocuous yet strangely private questions about my life. I was introduced to every one of them by my parents, uncles, aunts, grand-parents. At one point, my mom introduced me to a marriage broker who quickly ranted off prospective grooms as if he knew the whole list by heart. I knew that this event would be the death of me but I did not expect such a response.

I did thoroughly enjoy the whole thing barring those meetings. I was taking pictures the whole time. I did not get great pictures but I am happy that I was not there in ground-zero all the time and get introduced to people left right and center.

I loved the whole traditional experience though. I am not overly religious but these traditions mean something and its feels nice to kind of hold on to them. The whole talambralu process where my cousin was so giddy with excitement was a great example. You dont know why they do it, but its fun.

It’s nice to see the whole family there, talking to all my long lost cousins as if were best friends. It’s a great thing, family and I kind of miss the whole noisy, intrusive huge gathering. I am not saying that I would thrive in such an atmosphere every day but I don’t mind it once in a while.

It’s like an end of an era though. We have all grown up and this is the first sign that we are not kids anymore. It’s nice some times, to take all these big decisions but I am still very much dependent on my parents. I need to talk to them every day; I still don’t think I am very grown up. I act and think like one most of the time but when push comes to shove I need them. This wedding has kind of made me realize a lot of things about me and my family.

I hope that all goes well with my cousin, I wish her all the very best.

P.S Some of the pictures I took

Mehndi Runs

The Venue

New Traditions!

Jeelakarra Bellam

Red Carpet Entrance

Games they play!

Band Baja Baraat

Talambralu, the best part of a gult wedding

My Un-serendipitous Encounter

2011-05-16T02:26:00.007+05:30

So, today I finally go out to celebrate my first week in Mumbai. A booked tickets for this play By George (it’s by G. B. Shaw). She was telling me about NCPA last weekend and I told her to book a ticket for me whenever she is going for a play (I dint want to lose this habit of going to plays, it’s feels nice to watch something live than on screen, makes it more real I guess). It all started in Lucknow, thanks to all those annual plays that happen in the city.

Anyhoo so we got tickets for all four of us and got all dressed up (actually I dressed down with a real grungy look of the 80s :) ala Kurt Cobain). We almost dint make it but thanks to understanding Mumbai taxi walas and their speeding we were there on time. I enjoy English plays much better than the Hindi ones and I was really looking forward to this one in particular. It was directed by Naseeruddin Shah and had a really nice cast.

The play starts and I was really getting into the mood when suddenly my phone rings and presto it’s my manager. She called me to ask about tomorrow’s agenda which was duly mailed to her on Friday. People don’t read their mails!! After updating her for the nth time, I turn around to see all my HelL junta. Yippie! I don’t like doing the small talk with people, its fake and both parties are not interested in the conversation, and they just want to move on. There was no way out this time though, so talked (you know the whole how are you? I doing great. The job is awesome. I m loving it, Mumbai is such a great place to be)

I so wanted to get back to the play, I was in such a nice mood, and already two strikes. I walked back and see none other than PR (she was my batch mate from IITR and the biggest gossip queen). The play was going on when she walks from across the room and goes “Why did you not come to B-B’s wedding!! You should have been there!!” It took me some time to freaking digest the fact that she was here and on top of it shouting at me. I dragged her out, where she tells me that the reception is at 8 PM and I should be there. I couldn’t even come up with a good reason to get out of it.

I go back to my seat with a bitter taste in my mouth. I had so many plans for the evening, shopping at Colaba, walking on marine drive and then sipping nice cocktails at not just Jazz by the bay. And here I was stuck in this night mare.

I got out of the theater thinking of some good reason to back out. But for some perverse reason, I wanted to meet these people, talk to them. I wanted to see how they have changed in four years. I know it’s weird. It was as good as a reunion and you want to know what has happened to all those people that you used to hang out with(in my case, avoid hanging out with).

So, after a really long debate with K as to what to wear for this occasion, I went wearing my FabIndia best. I was looking alright, if I say so myself :). I met them in their hotel and went to the function hall. As I started talking to them, I realized they have not changed a bit. I mean they are still nosy; they wanted to know what happening with everyone’s life, very subtly(!) asking about everyone from HelL.

It was good for some time though, reminiscing about the past, talking about the good old days. I was actually remembering the times when PR told me that I should stop cursing because I am a girl and good girls don’t curse :D. I remember the Diwali celebrations where I was stuck with their group where I tried really really hard to fit in but failed miserably.

Fast forward four years, the conversation is still about the same things. What other people are doing, where are they right now. I don’t know what it is with their need to validate their life by comparing with others.

Well, it was a good experience. I know judging myself against these people is not exactly how it should be, but I felt good that I am different for better or for worse.

My First Week

2011-05-14T00:00:00.006+05:30

One week has gone by. I am working for one of the big four consultancies. If I talk about any of my projects they might put me in jail for breaking the NDA so, I ll try to talk about things without taking any names.

Office is not exactly what I have expected. Working with PayPal had been fun, with the swanky building, nice spacious cubicles, big pantry and last but not the least foosball. Now I am stuck in a tiny office which is designed as a maze with only one intention of maximum capacity. The loos are so tiny. And the best part, hot seating, that means you can sit on any cubicle. They are not assigned to anyone. But as you know seniority comes first so, I am stuck in a semi-conference room with two more people.

Now that we have the seating part settled, let’s talk about work. When I was in PayPal, I never actually worked per se, I used my week’s work in a day and then spend the rest of the week downloading/ catching up with all my tv series. So, officially this is my first real job.

I thought the first week is supposed to be the transition period where we look at all the e-learning tools and get to know how to work around the office internet blocks :)( Did you know Gmail is blocked but not facebook, I don’t know what these guys were thinking!). I can’t be so optimistic right? Second day in office, I am pulled into a project (no white paper, no proposal direct project!). And the best part, my manager just briefs me about me and heads out to Bangalore. So, officially I have work to do but I don’t know what exactly I am supposed to do.

Actually they put me in another project that morning which I liked infinitely more than this one. It dealt with technology, and me being a techie (now S, here I give you total credit for whatever geekiness I possess) I so wanted to work on that one. I know, me work sounds funny but seriously, I was actually able to understand all the jargon the guy was using and was able to explain it. How cool would it have been if I got into that one? Well, I am doing a much better job now running around supermarkets collecting data. I am loving it. So not.

The one good part of it was meeting the client and talking to him. I thought he would be some old geezer, where I should suck up to him (that is the impression I had from the trainings we had, we suck up to the managers, they suck up to the partners and the partners suck up to the clients, it’s an suck-up-ecosystem :)). But I was pleasantly surprised. I had a pretty nice conversation about Indian culture and how it affects our buying habits. We talked about Japan and anime. It was fun.

I like the work that I am doing. I am internalizing this(S I am trying I really am). Ohh did I tell you they are sending me to Hyderabad the next week. Don’t want to be there in between the whole wedding madness, but hopefully I will be busy with my work that I won’t have time to actually get to that topic.

Anyways Bombay is growing on me slowly albeit, I mean with a bump like a bruised body from the battle wounds (remember the jumping off the train part) it is getting a little difficult. Verdict still pending on this one, I think one weekend out would solve the problem though :)

My House Hunting Chronicles

2011-05-09T21:50:00.006+05:30

Now that I am officially back in Mumbai, the house hunting phase begins. My new life is calling :D. My colleague (let’s call her D) and I thought that we take an apartment together. I just met this chic 10 days ago and I thought she was alright. I dint mind staying with her for a month or so before moving in with my long-term partner P.

We found a broker for ourselves and landed in Mumbai. I wanted to dump my stuff at A’s PG (she is the girl whom I did my internship with, the good driver) but this girl was like we will go stay in a guesthouse and then look for apartments. Me being the people pleaser said alright. We land up at this really sleazy place and I was really doubtful about my safety (okay, thanks to V, I am a maniac when it comes to such things).

We had other people from our office who thought that the place looked like a brothel (pardon my language). They dint actually want to leave the place for this reason though. Cheapskates that there are wanted bills to get reimbursed, which were not available here. So, we had to pack again and go to A’s place. Within 3 hours of coming to Mumbai we fought with taxi drivers, went to a brothel, shouted at brokers. Pretty great beginning don’t you think?

Anyhoo, so we finally go to A’s PG (which is actually not that bad) and got ready to get back to house hunting. This broker guy (He is a big perv btw, he is an old dude who when I called Bhaiyya said to me “Don’t ever call me bhaiyya!”) started with this awesome place in Shivaji Park. It’s such a nice area, the beach is just a two minute walk and they had a nice park where I could go jogging. I was literally planning my life, jogging, organic food and walks on the beach. D dint like the place, the reason an Indian toilet ( cmon there is something called compromise!!).

From this really posh place (relatively of course) he took us these slum areas (ala Dhobi Ghat), they were dying dogs, stinking corridors, really old sick people and the kicker “these are the places I can afford” says the broker.

And added to this I was not exactly cool with the idea of living with D. She is weird: strike one, she is phony, strike two, and she cannot make up her mind about a single thing: strike three. (Okay, I know I am being a bitch, but I have to live with this person so gimme a break!) There goes my plan of an apartment :(. A PG it was for me. And after my previous experiences with suicidal maniacs, serial abuse victims I was so not in a mood to go back to that again. I guess the universe was conspiring against me.

This one is not as bad, okay I am sharing my room with two more people. The good part, they are not bad. They are shopaholic-diet freaks and they do drink lots of coffee :) Not so bad for a temporary arrangement eh? For further references lets name my roommates A, AD and RS)

Disclaimer: Don’t think that the author is a manic depressive with suicidal tendencies after reading the next part.

With all this settled I thought that I would go shopping, you know rechristen my bed (that’s the thing I am paying rent for :)) by decorating it. So me and AD went to Linking Road (I think that was it called). We thought we should try the Local (both of us never traveled in a local so we thought what the hell let’s give it a try and save some money, ohh the assholes at my company dint pay me so I am still broke for all intents and purposes)

We get to the station and bought the tickets. I am used to the Chennai locals so I was searching for a ladies coach sign but it was nowhere in sight. The train comes and I get into this compartment which was the least crowded. AD was shouting that I got into the wrong one and she was not getting in. It took me a while to understand what she was trying to say, that I got into a handicapped compartment. By then the train started moving. I dint even think what I was doing, I just jumped off the train. I thought I would skid and stop but well as you would have imagined by now, I fell down on the platform with a loud thump.

Don’t worry I just hurt my ego. Nothing major happened, other than a hundred people who surrounded me shouting “why do you wanna die?” Added to this whole hungama, AD called the station master. He comes running with a first-aid kid. At this point I just wanted to dig a hole and just stay there. I laughed it off and took the next train, literally running to catch it. Phew! Good start with the local trains na. I did have the best bhelpuri ever. I couldn’t stop eating. Now I understand why people take flights to come to Mumbai just to eat it.

So, my life in Mumbai did start with a few hiccups if you can call them that. Hope it gets better, I m just praying that me and P will find a good place and settle in.

Xoxo

My Last Week: Hyderabad-Mumbai-Hyderabad

2011-04-29T23:44:00.004+05:30

It’s been officially 5 days since I joined my new job. I vaguely remember how I felt the last time, the whole HR process of filling insane number of forms and sitting through all those presentations. I went to Mumbai last Sunday with all my bags packed only to come to Hyderabad on Tuesday again for training. It dint feel like I am actually going away.

It’s my first time in the city but it dint feel new at all. With all those stories about the place for the past four years it felt familiar somehow. I liked it, even though people kinda scared me with the its-too-crowded, too-hot , bad food, dirty but I dint care one bit, it looked beautiful and had this old world feel to it. And never underestimate the power of freedom.

Anyways so, I go to the Hotel assigned and I meet my future colleagues. As I promised S I won’t be too judgmental, I am not going to say anything about my first impressions. (You will get to know soon enough, I am going to rant and rave definitely. Don’t for one minute assume that now that I have my dream job I will all of a sudden become a type A personality :D).

They were nice enough in a very harmless kind of way and with this new resolution where I am going to try and be more social, I donned my alter ego (the cheerful-happy-to-be-chatting-away-about-random-shit kinda person). We were four girls in all and you know how it is new city, new job everybody trying to be extra nice, so it was not that bad.

The next day we went to this convention center where we had our orientation. Now I don’t know what the deal with consultants is that, they have this I-am-so-cool/awesome-for-no-apparent-reason attitude. I know how people can misinterpret it as confidence but it is such a big put off with the fake American/their-mother-tongue accent. Modesty and consultancy are at the two different ends of the spectrum :D . Not all of them are that bad. But the HR people, this is a totally different story. The lady reminded me of the nurse in one flew over the cuckoo’s nest :(. Phew! Now I feel good now that I have ranted.

Ohh they gave me a new laptop Lenovo T410! Kinda sad that I am getting excited about but cmon! He will be my new boyfriend. It doesn’t mean that I am going to leave my old think pad, it’s just an upgrade okay maybe I am going to cheat on him but he will always be my first love.

With all the hi-tech gear issued we came back to Hyderabad. It was kinda like Reservoir Dogs all the guys suited up except here we were all girls :). We get out of the airport where we had placards with our names. I have been walking down the same isle pushing my cart slowing to take the aero-express every time and here I am with someone holding a placard for me. It was pretty funny; I couldn’t stop laughing for some reason.

We go to hotel, which I am going to gloat about for some time now. Even though they were pretty cheap in Mumbai they dint hesitate to pull all stops here in Hyd, for which I am going to forgive the HR nurse lady :). The hotel is so awesome with a big pool and lounge area, awesome food (which included gult food yippie!), nice cozy rooms, a big bath tub. Okay I think I should stop and get back to real life.

The last three days have been pretty decent with a nice mix of presentations and exercises. But apparently this was just a trailer, picture abhi baaki hai :’(. Come Sunday I am going to live in the convention center till I come out of the cave as a new consultant/Jedi warrior the next Saturday. I will have the force with me (force == unparalleled globing skills and an ability to make ppts even when I am asleep and finally the great ability to re iterate three worded statements into one page monologues with all the hi-fi words like frameworks, synergies, core competencies, best practices)

So, I am waiting for the transformation. I am back home to do my laundry (okay, I am Indian ergo I am cheap, I am not going to spend 1000s of rupees getting my clothes washed in the hotel!).

Will be back in Mumbai next Saturday where my chronicles of house-hunting will continue.

Cheerio!

My Marriage Woes

2011-04-19T04:03:00.004+05:30

The truth finally has to come out. This is the most burning topic in my house. My cousin is getting married next month; this means I am next in line for the Spanish inquisition. My mother is one of those people who panics even for the smallest of things, so you can imagine her situation when everyone is asking "When is your daughter getting married? She is getting too old, you won’t find suitable boys if you don’t hurry up". Now that my brother is safely ensconced in the USA for foreseeable future, both my parents have shifted their attention to their only daughter.

This is the only topic of discussion at my place. How will be buy enough gold? When will you learn to stop spending too much? How will we ever find a guy who is going to bear you and your laziness? Start cooking or you are going to repent later. So, even though I am an IIT-IIM graduate I am no different. I am not being high minded or anything its just sad, that's all. You work your ass off for 25 years to become this person and all of a sudden you need someone else to define who you are.

You know most of the people who have read this post up until this point have already judged me. They think that I am going through this post break up phase where I want to show every one that I can be independent and be happy. Some of them think that I am one of those women who are emotionally distant and career oriented. Why I can’t be just happy with my career for now. I am not saying that I want to be this way for ever why do I have to go through this whole circus right now?

I was at my grandparents place for a week where I had to meet all my relatives after five years. They don’t even ask me about my job, my life; there is just one question on everyone’s mind. I had to come up with some story every single time and try to change the topic of discussion. There was this friend of my uncle (note that he is not related to me) lectured me for half an hour that I am hurting my parents by being this way and that I should think about them in their old age with all their problems. (He was pretty good at it; he made me eat my own words when I tried to argue with him)

I had to get some Pujas done because of my Kundali. Some random thing that my mother believes in so I had to go to the temple for two days where there are a bunch of pundits chant for a while and then well presto everything is going to be all right. Even there while they were chanting you know what they were saying every five minutes "seeghrameva kalyana prapti rastu". The universe is conspiring against me or something.

All this while I thought if I give her impossible conditions for a groom, my mother would be happily searching and I could live guilt free in the meantime. Never underestimate the power of your parents when it comes to these things. They are better than private eyes when it comes to sniffing around prospective grooms. My mom took exactly two months to come with a candidate who matches my criteria. This time around I worked a little harder and added a few more caveats. I am getting hold of the game.

All this while I was ambivalent towards arranged marriage. I had no objections; to each his own. With this whole drama of my cousin's wedding I am beginning to see things in a different light. I notice all those things that go into converting a match into a wedding. It’s not easy. The whole process sucks literally. I know I am making fun of the whole system but seriously! The nitty gritty details that you have to take care so that you don’t hurt anybody's feelings. OMG so much drama! The clothes, the jewelery, the gifts, the actual ceremony and all the million things that are attached to it; I neither have the patience nor the enthusiasm to jump through all these hoops.

My uncle was searching for a groom for my cousin for the past two years. Our family is not so rich but we are well educated and settled. He thought it would be a pretty easy process. But with all the conditions my cousin came up with it took him literally two years to find the right guy who fulfills all the characteristics she wanted (which I should specify had nothing to do with the guy and his likes/dislikes. It's all about the family and his profession). Now, the guy whom my cousin is going to marry, she met him once when they came to see her. They talked about their future plans you know the house-with-the-white-picket-fence and kids-playing-around and they realized they had similar views. Presto one day later it’s all decided they are perfect for each other.

Don’t you think this process is so criminally unjust? You are marrying off two people who had a similar idea about their future. I thought of traveling Europe before I am 30 and there is this guy who wants to do the same thing does that mean we are made for each other? I am not saying what my uncle did is wrong but this how the system works. And people are happy as long as it is working no matter how many people are suffering from these matches.

You know what the problem with us Indians is, we are complacent. If we have a problem we voice our concerns to our friends and lament about it but never do anything to rectify it. For e.g., if we had a bad road situation near our house we complain about it to every other person we meet, we shout and curse but we will never do the right thing and go drop in a letter to the authorities about it. Now imagine a bigger problem. You are a woman who is for the lack of a better word defined by her better half. If she is unhappy with the situation what can she do? Nothing, absolutely nothing, she can complain to her parents, who will lend an ear but, will say nothing to alleviate the problem but that is it!

There is no perfect solution. Our society has made these so called rules and we have to stick with them come what may. If you want to say to hell with it, it will take you years of fighting with your parents, the crying, and the emotional trauma. Sometimes you just want to give it up. Let’s see what the future holds..

I am sorry that you guys had to read this post but I am currently at my cousin's place and sleep eludes me. I cant not write this blog because this whole business has become so ugly right now I am trying because this is sort of a catharsis for me. Maybe if I write those thing down I will if not stop not think about them because I have my new life calling. I am going to join next monday. I ll be far far away from this madness.

Wish me luck! Fingers crossed hope that this week will pass soon :)

My Sentimental Longing

2011-04-19T03:06:00.001+05:30

Sorry that it took me so long to come back to my virtual world.

The thing is I am back home for this long a period after almost four years. So, I had to do the role of the cheerful obedient daughter who visits all the relatives and talk to them about everything-that-is-boring-under-the-sun with a grin on my face. My face literally hurts now. I had to retreat back to a state of no talking for about two days for things to go back to normalcy.

I went to my gramps place after four years. It was the place where I used to spend all my summers when I was in school. I had so many memories of the old house where almost the whole of my mother's side of the family lived. Five brothers under one roof. It is one of those colonial houses built by a business man from Rangoon in 1890s. Every nook and corner has a part of history associated with it. The house to me represents my family more than anything.

It has its war marks. You can see the arts and crafts things my mom and her sisters worked on when they were kids in the drawing room. The glass panes everywhere are covered with all those memorabilia my uncle collected from all those radio stations that he used to write to. The shelves are filled with all those spiritual magazines my grand pa used to read. This was a place where I actually grew up.

My grand pa bought this place for his whole family because he dint want to disturb his kids with his frequent transfers as a health officer. He was one of those people even in those days valued education the most. He wanted each one of his kids to have a job and be self sufficient and independent. He used to travel the whole of the state while my grand ma took care of my great grand parents and five kids and raised them.

This is a part of the history which my grand ma tells with so much pride. She got these plaques made for all her five kids with their educational qualifications and jobs written on them. So, we have five plaques outside the main door, which my grandmother looks at every morning with so much pride that it moves me every single time.

The house has seen so many people during its time their dreams, their hopes, their happiness, their despair.This is where my parents met the first time and eventually got married. This is where I used to sit with my grand pa when he used to tell me stories from the Ramayana when I was four years old. This is where my grand ma used to warn me incessantly about being away from home with a lot of analogies ( the leaf and the thorn etc etc :D). This is where I learnt to play with fire (Seriously I actually burnt myself while playing with a candle :) ).

So when I heard about my distant uncle who wants to tear it all down to build an apartment complex I was so angry with the whole family I actually shouted at them. How can they destroy a part of history for some measly bucks? I was outraged. But the sad part is I cant do a thing. People grow up, they dont have the sentimental attachments to things. They say its practical, the upkeep is too much but how can you do this to your family home? The house where you were conceived! People have no place for values!

I know I sound too idealistic and too impractical but to hell with it, I cant let this happen! I have to find a solution soon. I hope I will be able to do something.

My New Old Life

2011-03-25T22:55:00.000+05:30

So, I m finally back to where it all started. Hyderabad. It took me almost one whole day to actually get used to my folks’ place (I can no longer feel the attachment, when I think of home I picture my shitty room in Hell, or my apartment in Chennai). Everything in my room looked different. I was half in minds to throw everything out and start over decorating again. I am so restless right now; I can’t do anything that requires a part of my brain to think.

I took the whole day today doing that tearing down the whole room and re-decorating it. Now, it kinda sorta looks livable. (After my brother moved out, my parents made this room sorta their store room so all the shit that doesn’t fit anywhere in the house is moved to this room). Anyways so now it looks pretty good, I got all my posters from L (Shawshank, Crouching Tiger, Space Odyssey and Silence of the Lambs :D on my walls finally!)

I had to listen to my mom lecturing non-stop for two hours about my frivolous habit of hoarding clothes and well if you look at them you might feel the same way. I felt like that too, I mean I had four big cartons and two super size suit cases and the clothes kept coming :D

I found my old journal in all that mess. It was kinda nice to read something that I wrote six years ago and the thing is I feel the same way even now. I wrote the stuff when I was leaving roorkee and now it’s the same thing again and those posts could have been written now for all that matter. It sounded nice to know that I dint change much or maybe I just like to think that I am more or less the same person.

I kept thinking about how I have changed over the last two years and they are actually some tangible changes. I no longer dress like an environmentalist :D. I have become more self involved (I m trying to find a least offending word for selfish) or maybe I should say self sufficient. I am obsessed with certain things and finally, I haven’t wised up about others (I don’t know when I will :’()

For now I m just trying not to make too many big moves, I just rearranged my small library :) and I m going to read as many books as possible in this one month.

My Day at the Races

2011-03-07T08:53:00.003+05:30

Well, so I finally got a job and this time around I dint have to wait till the last day. Mine got over in day 0.5 (for those who don’t know the IIM system this is supposed to be decent ;)). With not many interviews to go through, I made it to the other side unscathed :).

Before I get into the post placement bliss/afterglow let me take you through the process. So, the deal is we have the whole thing happening over a period of 5 days where every last one of us HAS to get placed. People are made to wait from 6 AM to 2 AM every day. We have companies coming from morning till night. They come with their shortlists and then we have the GDs and interviews. This goes on and on. It’s absolute mayhem.

I got out on the 2^nd day so it was pretty good otherwise it would have been a sobfest. Seriously! I mean think about it, you have people getting jobs left, right and center and there you are going from one interview to another. Talk about peer pressure.

My trials and tribulations started on the 1^st day itself with two shortlists to very nice companies indeed. I was so happy, I mean I wanted to do marketing (through the process of elimination again). Well, it dint work out so good for me with two seemingly nice fish markets later, I was chucked out royally.

The next day started off with two shortlists, both consulting. Now, up until this point of time I was gung-ho about the whole me-getting-into-marketing and me-becoming-a-brand-manager dream. As soon as this list was out I was all in for consulting. I always wanted to be one, somewhere down the line I was just attracted by all the glamour and glitz of the ad world :D.

With a very fast update from Disha (our in-house career counseling club), I found out that these interviews are quite different and are mostly case based. I was so scared because you see, numbers and I have drifted apart after CAT. But with some good old confidence building exercises such as IIT/IIM/Girl fundae session I was ready or as ready as I ever will be. Also listening to Maybe this time over and over did help me.

After making me wait for what felt like 3 days, they finally call me. As soon as I enter the room, all the gyan that I took from KS went out of the window. The problem with me is I ramble on if I am nervous. But, the interviewer was a lady and I guess she took pity on me and was quite friendly. All in all it was more like a chat and we ended up talking for an hour about everything under the sun (read CV). I was quite happy after this round, if I say so myself.

I went back to Hades or the Waiting rooms as we dearly call them, fingers crossed. I did get my next call in like 15 minutes and at that point all I could say was praise the lord :D. This round is supposed to be the clincher. The case based round. This time, it was a guy; he was pretty cool, started off with my favorite question on earth: what are your hobbies? I was so happy I could have danced at that point.

So, I talked and talked about my obsession with movies, we discussed directors, Indian Cinema and consulting in movies. I was just thinking that this is the perfect interview ever when he pulled out a case and said “enough with the niceties lets get back to business”. It was like a dousing me with cold water, back to real life where people dint care about my movies :(. He gave me a fairly simple case which I did solve after a lot of fumbling with numbers (I forgot how to do simple addition!).

I was pretty sure that they were not going to call me back; I mean who would want an idiot with sub-par math skills. I was on my way to another interview, this one was also a consulting (I don’t know what the deal was, I was a pariah for all the marketing companies, but the consults wanted me :D). I was about to go in when the liaison stops me and goes “You have to go back for a third round”. I had to seriously pinch myself, I couldn’t stop grinning ( I mean after my calculation disaster they still liked me :))

I was all but dragged back for another round, at which point I was just floating on a high. I went in grinning like an idiot; the interviewer was a partner (which meant he was so high up on the food chain that I shouldn’t even think about bullshitting). He started talking about hyd and then he asked me the “do you like travelling?”I was like Hell Yeah :D (with some major dancing in my head at this point). I basically talked about my whole Eurotrip, my love for everything French and Barca. This was the best interview I had, hands down.

After this the @#$@#$ made me wait for like 5 hours during which I had to face four more interviews ( as long as we are not offered a job, we are alive in the placement process, ergo we should attend all/any interviews till the offer is final). It was the worst 5 hours of my life. I was on the verge of breakdown. Self doubt is not your best friend at this point, but you can’t shoo it away.

They did finally tell me at around 10 in the night and then took us all to dinner which basically was to scare the shit of the new joinees. They talked about working till 1 in the night and travelling 3 weeks a month. Oh goody! Can’t wait to start!!

Almost forgot, me going to Bombay! P and K also got the same location so, yay us!

My Blue Valentine

2011-02-14T19:31:00.003+05:30

With all this new found free time, I feel like doing something productive. And this is the farthest I am willing to go when it comes to working :). I mean writing something is also a fruitful way of spending time right?

Anyhoo, its V Day or D Day for most of us, I don’t want to sound like some chic lit writer but yeah it is some sort of D Day. One of my friends was asked “Did you get any red roses today?” by this guy who is trying to ask her out (for the past one year to be precise)! This fool doesn’t have anything better to ask than embarrass her. I knew he was kind of clueless about doing all this mushy stuff but you don’t have to downright mean right? And in my case I got the perfunctory phone call and a poem (okie I do love corny poems, sue me!).

So, we have decided to stop feeling sorry and take the day back like in that super corny stupid movie Valentine’s Day, we are going to have an anti-V day bash where we are going to BBQ Nation and hog to death except we will be all dressed up. There will be no battered piñatas but some well deserved guy bashing.

Carpe diem!

My Impending Disaster Situation

2011-02-13T00:48:00.000+05:30

The post that I have waited to write for so long :), I am done with crappy exams, stupid reports, long long classes, horrible presentations, those long night outs and sleeping at insane hours, crazy insti parties and even crazier parties at The Place, weirdos, muggus, committees and last but not the least late night impromptu quizzing sessions. My days of laughter and madness have come to an end.

I am left with almost a month before I go back to the beginning, Hyderabad. But before that lies the biggest problem, PLACEMENTS. I am getting calls from all my relatives asking me about this impending disaster, trying to cheer me up and giving me advice. Talk about pressure. I am so not looking forward to this, its like a date with your dentist (actually even that would be an understatement).

I have next 15 days solely for application filling and writing down my HR answers. This is even worse that getting a colonoscopy. They will be a 100 questions about your all those qualities you should have. It gets so bad, making stories up one after another. No place for humility, you go for it and make yourself sound as if you are the best thing that could happen to the company. I HATE it!

Just hope it will get over fast and I can move to Bangalore (I am already dreaming about it, me and S going bar hopping, book hunting and doing touristy stuff). I just hope I will have enough patience and strength to go through the next 15 days. Please pray for me!

My Confessions

2011-02-07T00:02:00.007+05:30

Before I go ahead with the post, I just want to make a disclaimer. Don’t judge the author by what she has written :)

I was talking to S today, you know the general anything-under-the-sun discussions, we seem to be having these quite often lately. They are actually very informative ( I did make a whole presentation in my class based on these) when we are not bitching about our erstwhile bad decisions in life.

This particular discussion started off just as anything other, berating ourselves for our non-existent social lives. Then there was a bit of cyberstalking involved (you know about this person who a friend of a friend). Anyhoo, so after a long chat about eM and her ex (whom, I found out by using my stalking superpowers muhaha :D), S told me about this new blog that she has been reading. The blogger is apparently her friend’s friend and a very funny writer (I read a few of her posts later and she is good :) ). One of her posts was very interesting. She was talking about M&B’s advent into India.

I guess this is as good as a place to finally confess, I read M&B. There, guilty as charged (Okie, if you are a regular reader I did say that I never buy M&B in one of my previous posts, which is true I never do, I just borrow a book or download it off the net). It’s not that I m obsessed with them or something. I need to read something mindless when I m tired and in no mood to pick up a heavy book (which is generally the whole of my book collection).

Whenever I am super bored I pick up one these and skim through them. You don’t have to read it page after page to know the story. There is a standard storyline actually. Let’s see how does it go?

The guy is generally super rich, self made, no-nonsense business man, generally from Europe or some other exotic place with name like Draco, Philippe, Antonio etc, etc. He is TDH, brooding, serious and you know all those qualities that you will assign to a guy who can be called a knight in shining armor. The girl generally is poor, but is very honest, up-right, down to earth, innocent (this is a must!) and is doing one of these menial jobs: nurse, maid, secretary, book keeper, something unremarkable basically. They can never have a female character who is well educated and old (that would defeat the purpose right :) )

They meet in one those hollywoodish meet-cutes. And then obviously the guy falls for her but he doesn’t know it himself. But the girl as she is all innocent falls for him and waits for him to realize how important she is to him (which may sometimes take years). Then finally the guy will have an epiphany where he will realize that he is in love with her and cannot live without her and makes a grand gesture which generally involves a lot of subterfuge and masquerade. And then they finally live happily ever after.

You see when there is such a realistic plot and such an engrossing story how can you not dragged into this. I thought I was the only one who enjoys this type of literature but I was pleasantly surprised to find many-a blog dedicated to these so called works of art. (You might have a question here, what was I doing lurking around these sites, well you know how it is, just data gathering for some research purposes :D)

When I in so many words said the same thing to S, she started laughing her ass off and dutifully posted on FB that I am an M&B expert and suggested that I should write a few myself. I just want to clear the air and set the record straight that it’s okie to read them. My fellow M&B readers out there, you are not alone. It’s not a crime!

Humor aside, it’s not terrible to read some bad literature sometimes. If it makes you feel good then it’s not a big deal. I mean, I do read other stuff, most of them are generally about existentialism or surrealism or something equally depressing. These books for me are a good reprieve. I m finally out of the closet. (Phew! it feels good to finally admit it :) )

Untill the next post,
Cheerio!

My Celebratory Spirit

2011-02-05T02:35:00.002+05:30

Actually I started writing this blog on Pongal but it took me all this time to kinda finish (if you can call it that). Better late than never right?

So, its officially Pongal and I for the life of me cannot get the holiday cheer. I guess I have become too detached from all this shit. I no longer think of festivals or their deep meaning or the chores that I used to do when I was a kid. It was so different back then. I used to get all excited about Kolams, ferreting out out news papers to find new designs and buying the colours and sitting through all evening to finish them. Its all a haze now. We used to run around the neighborhood looking at all the handiwork oohing and aahing all the way.

I no longer feel a connection to that person. I have not celebrated a festival in the last seven years. I am not talking about the so called diwali parties or the lodhi bon fires but the small things like getting up early in the morning and taking bath before breakfast, trying to taste everything that my mom was cooking. Now it’s just another day.

But today as it happens I did at least something. I cleaned my room (albeit superficially). Got the main to do the rest of work, took bath (only under emotional duress which I have to specify) and dutifully called all my relatives and wished them. All this while it was just a ruse to get myself into the spirit of the whole thing, but it did not work out. I sat in my room and started my Bones marathon again.

I m not an atheist per se, I do the temple visiting (though on a yearly basis). But, this whole selfish lifestyle of mine has taken away the joys of small things as sitting with my family and having a simple lunch. I don’t miss it and that the hardest part to digest.

I d rather sit in my room alone, search for something stupid on the net or watch some movie. It’s just me and my computer. That’s my world. Throw in an occasional phone call to S and C. I seem to exist in this limbo (Ohh how I have come to love this word). I know that my life in this hell hole is almost over, but its like a safe cocoon.

It has been like this for the last 20 days rather for the last few months. When I was in France, I did not actually have an option of talking to anyone (because the company was ohh so awesome and well I have come to respect and love my solitary pursuits, be it a walk along the river for two hours with my iPod or those insane shopping expeditions that I did all on my own). I think I have changed, at least before this whole trip, I used to make some effort to bond with others but now I m just fine with my own company.

I do the occasional phone call to my parents, purely an update that I am alive and well. Is this how I thought life would be when I was kid doing those Kolams or trying really hard to read the Sanskrit slokas?

It’s not that I don’t like the person I have become (okie sometimes I do, I mean all I do these days is to piss people off so that they would just leave me alone but that’s beside the point). Is this my worst possible version? I guess it is. I thought I had hit rock bottom long time back but this is a new low even for me.

I don’t know how long this limbo will last but hope it happens soon or I will go insane or I ll turn into paranoid schizophrenic. One of the things is surely going to happen.

Okie, horrible post on a good sunny day but well when were my thoughts about sunshine and the rain?

P.S Short story coming shortly, the problem is the inspiration for this story has currently called it quits for some reason. So, I dont have enough to go on. Will get the real one back on track real soon

My Yearbook Writing Skills

2011-01-28T05:23:00.008+05:30

We are supposed to write about our dear friends in less than 500 words. When you think about it, it’s a fairly easy thing to do. I mean you did live with these people for the most part of two years, you know them in and out. You would think its a cakewalk, but I am having a really hard time putting my thoughts on paper. I have tried writing about K but all I can come up with is lame platitudes.

The thing is when you write these blurbs you have to be very objective and make the other person sound all goody goody. I had the "honor" of editing those last year courtesy Oculus. All I could think was how phony they sounded. I mean there was no true emotion in almost all of them. Most of them read “he is a nice guy, muggu, great friend blah blah blah”. I mean what would that reveal about the person?

Why is so hard to pen down your feelings about another person. There is always this pressure that you shouldn’t make the person look bad or psychotic (trust me the people I hang out with are WEIRD, it will be really hard to make them sound normal). The thing is a year book is something every one of us will cherish for the rest of our lives; it is the only reminder we will have in the future. It is the one thing that will remind us of these days.

You see my problem here, too much pressure. How can I write when there is this huge obstacle that I should sound nice when I pen down my thoughts? Wouldn’t you want to read these small snippets in future and reminisce the good old days (okay, now I sound like a rom-com gone wrong or something even worse, whats happening here is that I am turning into a screen play writer for a gult movie, like Orange)

I know I am not that good at writing but I think I have totally lost it. I mean who the hell writes stuff like “she is a romantic through and through” “she has a martyr complex” I think I will go kill myself before I the witches of Eastwick come down to murder me.

I hope I will be able to write something passable by Sunday otherwise I m dead meat.

See you on the other side.

I ll be back

2011-01-25T03:44:00.004+05:30

Confession time, I have stopped writing in this blog because I have been ranting for the last few months about things such as my depressing life, my random acts of stupidity or some absurd view of things in my other blog. You know the secret one which no one has access to :). I like writing posts for that one because I don’t have to think twice about putting my thoughts on paper. I know then you would ask, then what’s the point of this blog. Well, I guess this part of my Gemini personality, the good twin who writes about seemingly cheerful stuff Vs the bad twin who writes about life’s failures.

Now that I have achieved equilibrium of sorts, I am back to this corner of the playground. I know it’s deserted, I mean who the hell would read about ranting of a 25 year old manic depressive chick? But things are getting back to normalcy or at least it looks like they will in a short time. K is in a kinda sorta in a new relationship. PP is crazy as ever, but she is now being more sensible (or acting less randomly these days), my placements are coming up pretty soon. I have just watched Certified Copy; I am in love with Italy all over again. Things are looking okay (I wouldn’t say good, how can a fatalist use such a word!).

Short post, I know but I will come back with a longer one, maybe a short story (more on that one in the next post)

The Trip in Pictures

2010-10-11T20:24:00.027+05:30

Paris

In the Eiffel Tower

View from the top

The New Bridge (Check out the faces on the coloumns, apparently they were taken on some drunken night out in the 18th century :D )

That Hotel in Bourne Identity

Antique Book Stores (My favourite street :))

French Love (This is the bridge where Big proposes Carrie :) )

Louvre Museum (Dont ask me why the pic is like this I blame Blogger.com)

The Lady Victory

Jardins, the place to be for all those asipiring models
(The place I am going to aviod the most during my next visit)

Brussels

Some park near our Hostel

Capital Building

My Favourite Place in Brussels :)

Yet another favourite, actually this one wins hands down
Delirium Cafe

Koln

The Main Cathedral

Munich

Finally we arrive

Neuschwanstein Castle

View from inside

Yet another Castle, I forgot this one's name :(

The Castle with no name :)

Oktober fest again

Berlin

Pub Crawl

DDR Museum
(Ohh btw this is important because these were the only books that people could read in East Germany in all those 30 years!)

The Wall

The Wall again

Brandenburg Gate

Jewish Memorial ( Seriously freaky!)

Checkpoint Charlie

The home of the 24/7 book sales :)

Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp

Station A

Work will set you free

Station Z

Hamburg

St Nicholas

My favourite building, look at those balconies :)

The Clock Tower

WW2 Memorial

View from St. Nicholas

Eurotrip Part 1 : France, Germany & Brussels

2010-10-11T15:37:00.015+05:30

Finally I'm here to do what I wanted to do, travel. With totally amateurish planning zigzagging across three countries, it has officially begun. So here is itinerary:

Toulouse - Paris - Brussels - Koln - Munich - Berlin - Hamburg - Paris - Toulouse

I know it's totally haphazard, badly planned but who cares :) I m just loving the whole backpacking experience except for the RFH part which is soon going become the background noise hopefully

Paris

Ohh how happy I was to be in this city, I couldn't stop grinning. As usual things have to go wrong. One word: no accommodation. We were running all morning trying to find out where INT was. It took almost two hours to finally settle down and start the actual trip.

The city is so fast moving and at the same time makes you all maudlin. I just sat there staring and taking it all in. The architecture, all those road side cafes, and the people everything is so perfect. You don't need to talk to anyone just enjoy the view. But I still like Toulouse better because it feels as if you are a part of a very big family, in Paris you are the outsider sticking out like a sore thumb. I wish I could stay there for like a week and soak in the city rather than a cursory glance at the touristy places.

But for Eiffel tower you have to make the exception and do the touristy thing. Went to the tower around 6 30 so was actually able to see it in broad daylight and with its brightly lit splendor in the night. It just takes your breath away. I just stared and stared some more. I could actually see why so many of those corny romantic movies use this place. All the common sense takes a backseat (well at least in my case). We were there for more than 3 hours, I dint want to go back. The city that shines below and the tower above make you so sentimental for the most insane reasons.

Brussels

Actually I wanted to go Bruges and when we reached Brussels at 1 in the afternoon after missing the actual one, I was so not in a mood to go out and explore the city. On top of everything it was raining. Took us almost two hours to find a place to stay. Finally got out around 4 only to be led to some random fountain in the name of the atomium :x Thanks to the awesome maps given by the hostel people, we were able to actually find the best pub I have been to till date "the delirium cafe". They had some 25 types of beers and the perfect Irish/German pub atmosphere. Couldn't ask for more. This would be the one place I ll visit if I ever go back to Brussels again. Ended the night with nice live music cafe sipping mint cordiale.

Koln

I will always remember Koln as the place where I just lost it with the shops and shops and more shops. I just skipped from one shop to another buying junk. But the place is just as beautiful with its cobblestoned streets and old pubs and museums it was very old world but at the same time modern on her side.
Tip: while going on long trips don't drink till you drop

With the hangover from the previous night’s expeditions I couldn't actually enjoy the place much. But shopping I did, thanks to H&M. The places you shouldn't miss would be the Lindt factory and the old cathedral just outside the station. The other thing in Koln that I loved was the hostel (more about this one later)

Munich

The whole reason for this trip to happen was because we wanted to go to Oktober fest. Boy did we enjoy Munich :(. Wasted almost 4 freaking hours in the name of accommodation. RFH was supposed to find a place and when we go there the lady in question was nowhere to be seen. Anyways chucked our luggage in the locker room and made our way through to the fest area.

At first, I was like what the hell this looks like some sort of a carnival for kids with joy rides (well I took the same joyride and puke my guts out so not so kid friendly actually). But soon we discovered the "tents" which are like these monstrous pubs serving beer by the liter non-stop. It was very nice ( I know not the exact reaction you would expect but nothing weird happened other than some drunken brawls or some singing or PDA now that's pretty normal :))
The atmosphere is so lively with kids playing around and everybody munching on something or the other it was really beautiful. Ohh and how can forget the costumes they are the best part, I actually spent the better part of that night searching for a costume in my budget (sadly none were available)

Finally RFH found us a place to stay so at least we had a warm bed after one whole day of touristing (if there is such a word). I never knew about couch crashers till then. This is a website which lists people from different cities who help the wayward hitchhikers by giving them a free accommodation. Quite a neat concept indeed, we were able to find a quaint little place in a suburban neighborhood.

All thanks to our host we also found out about the Neuschwanstein castle which is two hours from Munich. Now this place is a thing of beauty, nestled in the mountains near this picturesque village. I am definitely going back to this place and spending at least a weeks’ time. There is small trek which takes you to the main castle through the mountain, though I was panting by the end of the trek it was so worth it with waterfalls and fig trees and horses all around.

That evening we went back to the fest for seconds. Ohh if you think that German people are wusses because they get drunk on beer think twice. This beer is so strong that with one pitcher I was actually feeling a little buzz (not that I am tanki but at least I definitely won't get drunk on one beer)
Dint actually see much of the city because we were busy doing much better things :)

Berlin

We reached Berlin the next day morning and found a hostel within an hour which in itself is a big big thing. We found out about these free guided tours in the hostel so we decided what the hell if you get something for free in Europe you better grab it.
This is one more experience I will never forget. The general rule till then was go ask the hostel people about the places to see pick up a map and find out or get lost along the way (which actually happened more than once). I never thought that Id like the guide chattering away but it was quite informational with tiny tidbits of the history thrown in at every place; it makes the whole thing more meaningful.

Found out a lot about WW2 and the Herr. With R in love with our guide and trying to chat she up it was quite funny ordeal actually. But to know about the city's history and its dark past is a must to get the most of all the landmarks. We saw the war memorial, Hitler’s chambers, and the surviving part of the wall. It is one of those things I would suggest to everyone.

One other awesome thing here is that they have this book exhibition going on everyday in front of the Humboldt University. They had so many books, most of them in German but I managed to ferret out a Maugham in English and now is my most prized possession from this trip.

The next day after getting rid of RFH (finally!!!) we started off to Sachsenhausen concentration camp tour. The guide from the previous day suggested that this is one thing everyone should do. So we took the metro and went off to Berlin's reminder of its dark past. Our guide was a guy doing his PhD in Nazi culture and its effects on Germany. He was pretty awesome in drawing a picture of the ww2 Berlin and the conditions in the camp. When you look at this desolate place, not even in your worst nightmare can you imagine the things that happened here. I couldn't actually listen to him but at the same time was obsessed to understand the need or the reason behind these actions.

I cannot explain or make you understand how you feel standing there in Station Z where thousands of innocent people were "exterminated". Walking on the same roads where they took their final breath during the death march.

It gets too emotional in the main exhibition where they tried to personalize the whole thing by showing pictures from the prisoners' lives. All those movies seem to picture only bits of pieces of the whole tragedy. Throughout this trip we have seen many cities being crushed by the allied troupes on one side and pillaged by the Nazis on the other. The reminders of the disasters of the past are everywhere; they have become a part of people's lives.

After a pretty serious touristing, we decided to go to the pub crawl. It's a 12 euro paid tour where they take you to 5 different pubs in the city. I wasn't expecting much other than few drunken people but it was awesome. The first one was called Zapata. It was part some sort of an anarchist commune (my impression actually) but seriously the people there looked like biker dudes. The next one was the proper rock pub with blaring music, had a nice glass of baileys while singing my heart out to the killers, offspring and blink 182 (okie something in English is better than anything in German). All in all a pretty awesome day :)
The next day we had time till around 4 in the evening to finish our Berlin tour. We went to the DDR museum, which is one of those places everyone should visit to understand what he country has been through post WW2. The kind of socialist ideologies that you read in books of Rand, Orwell is a reality here. I couldn't believe what the people had to go through for 30 years. This shows the actual reality of communism where there is no such thing as an individual. It’s very scary to comprehend the life in those times. But it was very educational at the least.

The final destination was the east side gallery, the surviving part of the Wall. It's very surreal looking at peoples' interpretation and reactions. Some of the paintings compel you to stop and think what the artist is trying to tell us. The whole walk seemed very out of this world somehow.

Berlin all in all has been a rather sobering part of the whole trip.

Hamburg

We reached around 6 in the evening and actually had a really really hard time finding a place to stay. With my backpacks size growing exponentially I was so tired by the time we checked in I would have done anything to just sleep maybe for the next whole week. I slept like a log for like 14 hrs, a much deserved rest.

The next day we had the whole thing planned with the walking tour, museums and a Beatles covers concert. But all we did was the tour and the rest of the trying to find things and finding out that all of them were closed. (Fucking Sunday madness :()

Hamburg dint impress me as Berlin or Koln it was more commercialized. Tried to shop but was too broke by this time to actually go into any of the stores that I like. The only store I could actually spend was C&A which is like the seniors shopping complex. Even the people working in the shop are old :(

But the one thing that impresses you here is the architecture. Both the old and the new city have buildings which are designed by some really eccentric people. And the bridges, how can I forget them, they have like some 2000 in the city alone.

Paris Part Deux

We had one final day to kill before returning back to Toulouse. The actual plan was to stay in Paris the whole day and then take a night train back. But I was so tired all I could think was the bed in my room.

Couldnt find a direct train on time ....so had to stay the whole day. Well so off we went to another walking tour. This has become a daily routine, land in a new city, stack your luggage in some locker, freshen up and get going for another 3 hour tour. Asusual good way to spend if you have little time to spend in the city.

This time noted down all the places that one should visit, so will be back in Paris soon :)

So, my first ever unplanned, to some extent adventurous trip across Europe came to an end. Should say one thing though never thought I d be doing these things. Its still to unreal to me. Will need some more time getting used to the idea that I actually did go to all these awesome places.

Till next trip cheerio!

My new life

2010-09-23T13:01:00.000+05:30

It's been over two weeks since I came to Toulouse. Had a number of great experiences and a lot more weird ones. Thanks to sesame the project work here, I already have a reputation of a slaker, that too by French people (how funny is that)

I thought that the first few days would be so free that I can finish off the customary French riveira trip by then. Well people here had other plans. I m stuck here from 9 to 5 in the name of brain storming and idea generation. I will kill the next person who suggests creative brain storming ever again.

I really like the culture, the habits, actually I m in love with the place. Everyone is so laid back and indulge rather than just work, work and work.
But the most astonishing thing here is the laziness of people all around. I know I m presenting the most skewed view but that's my feeling. You work fixed hours a day and then viola eat drink and make merry and you still have time in the weekends to go to the country side.

But as usual like I have been expecting things have to go wrong. I mean it's me so they will most definitely be the worst possible situations. I m not talking to people and they are still haunting me half way across the world. I have a RFH. I have not had a decent conversation in I dunno how long, maybe a month ago.
I know I have become this pathetic person who does nothing else but crib well guilty by association (how ever brief) I can't seem to enjoy the brighter side of things.
Anyhoo it's not all that bad. I m enjoying my solitude. Shopping and walking around the city has become a daily habit. I don't mind even if I don't travel, I ll just stay here and enjoy the city.

My Perfect Vacation

2010-08-12T20:56:00.005+05:30

I never take vacations. I m not the traveling type of a person (This is where we differ S :) ). Anyways so couple weeks back while I was happily sleeping Ms. P barges into my room and start rambling about this concert in Naukuchiatal. I DON’T like being disturbed when I m in my happy place. So, just to shut her up I said okie fine whatever you say. Little did I know then that this would be one of those things I would never forget in my life. I never planned a trip in such short notice ( okie I dint plan this one that credit goes solely to P). Anyways within two days we had our hotel bookings, train tickets and our trip was all set. It was just two days but I was excited because for once in my life I was going out with people I actually want to hang out with. ( To be honest the last two “major” trips were a disaster, so I was kinda nervous that something bad will happen, well actually it did happen more than once but its all worth it :) )

So, it was Friday night and our train was at 12 15. After many trials, I had my final road trip wardrobe in place and all set. We reached the station around 11.
We got into the train around 12 30 only to find out that we had booked the tickets for the wrong day! I was like $$#$%$# lets get out I m not traveling without a ticket. But madame P had her mind set, thanks to her puppy dog face in front of the TC we did get tickets and we finally on board albeit they cost 3 times the normal price but who cares, we were going to the hills :)

The next morning around 9ish we reached Haldwani which was such a pleasant town, reminded me of Roorkee while we crossed it in our taxi en route to Naukuchiatal. I forgot how much I loved Uttaranchal, the hills, the people, the whole atmosphere screams at you to lay back and enjoy the ride. I was so happy that I started singing only to be stopped by two hormone raging women :(. We had chai pakoda in this quaint village shop. The surroundings make you forget all the worries and just lets you be.

That was where all three of us decided that we will buy a holiday home somewhere in this beautiful place. We will do the sharing thing and meet once a year with our pets :D. The hills are in one way very romantic but I couldn’t stop feeling a sense of deep melancholy. I know I am getting into this goth culture way too much but it seems that there is a sort of gloominess attached to the place. I knew that this would the place I would want to live. The surroundings are so surreal with fog playing tricks with our eyes. Everything seemed like something out of an Opeth video ( Okie I know that’s kinda weird but I couldn’t get Opeth out my head for like two days)

We reached the lake resort by lunch time. The place is so stunning; it looks more like a painting. We got ourselves a nice cottage overseeing the lake. Cold breeze blowing with the mountain air whispering around, I dint want that moment to end. We had a nice lunch and decided to walk along the lake. Three very determined people with three cameras. For the next half hour or so we were clicking away every nook and corner. We dint want to forget the charming location.

Next in line was the boat ride. They had shikaras like the ones in Dal lake. With ducks flapping around and the fog playing with the water, it was such an enchanting ride where we discussed about cameras and shutters. Nice conversation huh :) Pooja pulled out her phone and started playing Damien Rice. The music just fits. I almost cried listening to the songs , looking at my surroundings wishing the most unreasonable things (S you know what, I know totally stupid but well I m the blonde bimbo according to you :D )

And then Miss P decided that we should go hiking up the hill. I for the life of me cannot hike/trek, after the Roorkee experience I swore I will never do that ever again. But then there I was in my flip flops hiking up the most treacherous hill. Okie it was not that bad. It was totally worth it. Guess what we found on top of the hill. Fields of gold ( I mean grass :) ). It was everywhere. We couldn’t stop grinning. We ditched our local guide and were too busy taking pictures. Okie, I know juvenile but where else would you find a field of marijuana.

After the long and arduous hike, we went back to our cottage to get ready for the concert, you know the main reason that we were here :). That’s when it started raining and I almost gave up but finally around 8 it cleared and we were walking along the road for Music in the Hills. I wish all the concerts I go to are like this one. They were about 50 people happily lounging around the stage which was built right infront of the lake. Everyone sitting with their family/friends sipping wine, enjoying a quiet evening: Don’t you think that’s just right.

We found a nice cozy place for ourselves and the host came up to us and asked whether we got our own booze. Now obviously we were not that intelligent to thing that it was a BYOB thingie. He was so nice, he gave us a bottle of Vodka and was like it’s on the house have fun :) How cool is that! So, finally we got our food, drinks and we were all set to be wooed by the bands. Ohh the drinks were awesome, I can make a mean Vodka lime Cordial now :)

The first band was Sajid and the lost boys. It was a fusion band and I actually am not into these kind, but boy was I wrong the lead singer was a cross between Eddie Vedder and Lain Gallagher of Oasis. And the lyrics were actually pretty good. Then came Soulmate. Listening to them made me realize what I was missing. I never tried Indian Rock, which was a huge mistake. The lead singer Tippi, this chic is awesome. Her range is mind blowing I mean she could sing from Billie Holiday to Janis to Jefferson Airplane. She is my new favorite female vocalist. Ohh I totally forgot the best part, when they introduced the band they went “Three girls came all the way from Lucknow just to listen to these guys” How cool is that! The night was perfect. We were singing we were dancing, everything was just plain perfect. It was almost 2 when we went back to our room. 2500 bucks so totally worth it :)

The next day we checked out of the hotel after a really nice breakfast and got ourselves a taxi for the next round. We stopped at Garudtal which is by far the best lake in the whole region. Its very small but the catch is its totally deserted. We were in the middle of the jungle and not a soul in sight. It was eerie but then the green lake and the birds chirping and such nice weather, I was not actually that afraid. Then we went to Sattal which was kinda bigger than the previous one but just as pretty maybe a little more prettier. I wish I could just stay in one of those holiday homes with a nice book and a cup of coffee. That would be my goal for now. Buy a nice little cottage and just read.

Next stop: Nainital; Mission: Shopping, shopping and more shopping. Till this point in our trip we were nicely enjoying the ride and playing all touristy but once we hit Nainital, the shopaholic was back in action. We went to the Tibetan market and kept buying baubles for almost two hours non-stop. It was a fitting end I suppose. We finally had an early dinner in Hard Rock Café ( not the real one) and then found ourselves another taxi to go back.

This trip was just what we needed. We made a promise we will come back to this place every year for the concert. Hope the plan works out.
That’s all for now, Cheers!

My Quarantine

2010-06-30T01:03:00.000+05:30

Yet another week passes by. It seems that time is flying by and I am lost. That’s exactly how I feel these days. I go to all the lectures, come back and do whatever work is there for the next day, watch something equally mind numbing and then sleep. This has become quite a routine to me these days. Atleast last year I had P with me attending all the classes. Now that I have taken Finance P and K are no longer with me and I think somewhere along the line we lost the ability to be nice to each other for longer periods of time. We just exchange pleasantries and try to make some small talk and then move on.

You know when you think about it, however much you try to be with people who don’t think like you or atleast have similar taste, you cant actually take the whole friendship for granted in a long run. Because after a point of time you just don’t have the patience to maintain the charade. I think that’s what has happened to us, we no longer are trying to please each other or go out of our way to make the other person feel uncomfortable.

This got me thinking, can I never be friends with people who don’t think like me or act like me. I mean I am not some weirdo or something but very petty things about people put me off and I don’t want to even socialize because I know in a long haul its not worth it. So, I go back to my cave quite literally. I had this discussion with S and V quite a few times and every single time we have come to the same conclusion. We are unsociable, or rather we prefer solitude to the platitude of being in a “group”.

I mean shouldn’t we be out there enjoying our 20s? I know a cliché again. But how much ever I may try I cannot. I simply cannot. The other day we had our insti party. So, as usual the three of us got dressed and were fashionably late and in the process missed 3.4’s performance (Not that I care much about our insti “band” but still I wouldn’t mind checking their lame attempt). And yeah just so you know I have given up this fad of whole-insti-party-getting-wasted. I was cold sober at 2 o’clock in the morning watching the drunken stupid acts of people around. I was disgusted I know I am being a hypocrite but I couldn’t stand the whole atmosphere of self-indulgence. Every one of them try to out do the other by doing stupider things and with two drunken chics to take care of I was not actually in best of my moods.

I couldn’t stand it one bit. I had a huge shouting match with P. I still cannot believe I did that. I was just frustrated with the whole business of self-deprecation. I think I am becoming too old for this shit. I m getting bored of the same old crisis that they currently going through. I have become realistic or maybe too fatalistic these days that I don’t care or I am deluding myself that thinking about such things would only make you sadder. So, I stopped thinking about things that are no longer in my hands. Total dependence on fate. If you cant change things that are going to happen then you don’t have to worry about them. You worry about the-now rather than the indefinable tomorrow.

Would that help me? I honestly don’t know but thinking and obsessing has gotten me nowhere so I m stopping myself from getting migraines from over active imagination and limiting myself. Hope it works.

My iPhone :(

2010-06-22T02:10:00.000+05:30

It was almost two years ago that I got my most prized possession. My iPhone. I was in love with it (if you can call your obsessing with inanimate objects love). Now its gone well actually its battery is shot so I gave it to my brother ( who in more than one ocassion tried to bribe me with more disk space, new HDDs but I never faltered its mine!) Now I have to move on and find some other gadget to obsess about.

But the whole deal with the iPhone is that it turns you into a member of Steve Jobs mafia. You can never ever be happy with any other phone. You keep telling people about how smart your phone is and how awesome it is and blah blah blah. I know I sound so lame but its so cool :(

I started reading classics again thanks to Stanza. I started learning French. I got through the whole surveying shit thanks to google maps and how could I even forget the Fbing with Edge. It was my saviour. And now its gone.

This post is dedicated to my most cherished possession and my constant companion for the last two years. Thanks to it I have developed a severe case of nomophobia.

The New Avatar

2010-06-22T01:56:00.001+05:30

I m in love with the new template designer. Spent almost an hour selecting this one. I know, I know I sound narcissistic :) but it looks good so what the hell!

Going to come up with a new post soon with the Induction aka Hoax starting tomorrow lets see how I can act like a mean person and shout at all the juniors :D

My Nostalgia

2010-06-10T00:44:00.000+05:30

So, I m back in Hell. Never thought I d miss this place, but I did kind of miss it. The midnight walks, breaks at fauji, the baddy court. It’s nice to be back to a place where you feel at least for a fleeting moment that you belong here for some reason. Chennai was good but there is this insignificant thought that this is just a sojourn and that I have to move on sooner or later. I never felt at peace because there is always the next step, the next decision hovering over the edge the whole time. And the extreme paucity didn’t help either.

After a very short stay in Hyderabad, I was at the airport waiting for my Delhi flight. As usual was looking around Landmark to find something to read. I have heard about this book written by this IIT chic and was thought I should at least give it a try. I mean I did read all the crappy books those IIT guys have written so why not read one more so, I went ahead and bought Heartbreaks and Dreams (okay I know a really bad title but give I did give her the benefit of doubt)

It was nice to be reminded of all those inane things that I have forgotten about Roorkee. The hostel calls, Thomso, Inter IIT, Drams events, Lit Sec quizzes. I am really getting old; my memory is getting quite hazy. I have forgotten about those late night mugging sessions and the tutorial copying; all those Soil practicals where I was just the audience, never allowed to anything except maybe take the reading :); the profs, AKJ, SNS and Choosa how scared I was during their classes scared to death about the questions they might just ask; all night movie marathons and karaoke in N’s room. I used to miss Roorkee a lot when I was in Chennai now it all has become a hazy part of my life.

It feels good to be reminisce about the good old days when I was actually driven to do something, when I was optimistic and looked around the world in rose tinted glasses. But then I naivety has its own advantages I guess in its own way. But the book did give me a good perspective of how young and stupid we all were and how we have changed over the past few years maybe for the good or bad.

Now I am back in Hell with yet another year mostly my last year as a student (unless I actually go ahead with my crazy plan of PhD which most probably won’t even come out the planning stage). Hope this year goes well and maybe five years down I will be reminiscing this place the same way.

My Book Buying Adventures

2010-06-07T04:10:00.001+05:30

I thought I will always write one post just about buying books. So here's one about my latest adventures (if you can call them that). The past two months had been very lucky for me; between Chennai and Bangalore I have been able to improve my meagre collection. I have added quite a few good ones to the growing assortment that is already overflowing in my old cupboard.

When you are working you never have the money problems. You can walk into any of those big stores like Landmark or Crosswords and buy till you run out cash at the end of the month. But when you are a student, you are always looking for those little second hand outlets where you will find those old classics and long forgotten dust covered hard bounds somewhere in the heap. I love it when you get a good bargain for those books you have been searching for ages. Blossoms and the Good Book Sale helped me in the quest for good book hunting.

The first weekend I was in Bangalore, we (me S and obsessive driver (if I could borrow the nick S :) ) went to Picos and has a nice breakfast, listening to Skynyrd in the background. You know when you listen to a nice song in the morning it all makes you feel that your day can never get worse. Well it dint actually. I discovered blossoms.

It’s this quaint bookstore in Brigade road filled with really old paper which makes you wonder how long they have been collecting these antiques in the first place. Anyways after book-gazing around dazed for about 10 minutes I got into business. Picked up one of those carry bags and started my shopping :)

First I found this French made easy book which I had to buy because I m going to France so you know at lease I have to speak come a little of the language. So, one book down and the hunt begins. I move on to the next floor after almost half an hour of reluctant picking and rejecting books (Well I did find another Nick Hornby so two down actually)

The first floor is filled with so many shelves that it puts Landmark collection to shame. Fantasy lined back to back in three long shelves with Vonnegut whole bibliography. Could it get any better! I picked up like three of them and finally decided that I should have some ground rules :) . So, one book per author.
The Indian author collection is so huge I was actually tempted into buying few books myself (Thanks again S this is just because of you prodding me buy Indian :) ) I found the whole Ramanyana series! FYI I have been reading Ashok Banker’s series and I am in love with it. He treats the story so normally without getting into the God argument with a nice fantasy touch. I have been going gaga about them for the past six months so pardon my over emphasis on how good they are.(N thanks for introducing them, even though it took me quite some time to actually start the series) Anyhoo I pick up all the books I need to basically the last three and quietly get out of the section before I ransack some more.

I call my brother and S every time I am in a book store to buy something for him. I like buying books for people. It feels nice to gift people books. Anyways after a 10 minutes long conversation, he gives me his long list. He is into Dostoevsky these days. He is actually turning bong I think, with his Kurosawa and Ray obsession and his love for carcinogenic things :) . So I pick up Brothers Karamazov for him. I tried Dostoevsky’s Notes from the Underground. I was so depressed after reading that I couldn’t pick up another of his books. I know I should but I will some day when I m done with fantasy (which is definitely not anytime sooner :) )

Done with the good deed for the day, more book hunting again. I move from one corner to another trying to find some nice literary fiction but this is where the store didn’t have much of a collection or maybe I couldn’t find the author I wanted in the whole labyrinth.

Some of the conversations I get to listen to:
Guy: So what do you want to buy?
Chick: Don’t know maybe some Coelho. I finished his last book a few weeks ago
Guy: Why don’t you try something new?
Chick: Oh, maybe I should try Murakami; my friend told me he is good
Guy: So, what kind of books does he write?
Chick: Yeah he is like this absolute romantic author like Nicholas Sparks. I want to read some nice love story.
Guy: Let’s ask the clerk maybe they have some of his books. You should definitely read some nice romantic books.

Oh I nearly died listening to people compare Murakami and Sparks  and she picked up Kafka on the Shore for crying out loud. Boy is she in for a treat ;)
But then you do run into nice people now and then. I found this guy buying Bradbury and Murakami. Restores hope :) . Finally I got out of the store with six books and just thousand bucks spent. Best spending spree ever!

I felt bad coming back to Chennai because I have to buy books first hand and I can’t have my mom yelling at me for days about my Landmark addiction. But I was really lucky to have found a nice charming second hand exhibition right next to my office. Don’t you love serendipitous discoveries? I was going to yet another survey and presto I found the book sale sign. So, I finished my interview in 10 minutes tops and went to the store directly, bunking office for the rest of the day.
This guy had so many books and at such steep rates I couldn’t walk out a single time without grabbing one more book guilty and running back to the office because I almost took an hour out of my lunch break. I spent most of my lunch hours for a whole month that the guy used to smile at me (probably thinking: there she is again doesn’t she have a life why does she come back every other day, oh who cares I found the mother lode :) ) I took K there just to show her how cool Chennai is. After this store she stopped complaining about the weather. So I am sure that it did help notch some of those bad views about the city.

Between my infrequent visits to Landmark and Odyssey I did manage to collect almost a carton full of books. I don’t like to call it that but actually they did fill one who carton that I had to send them through Gati. Still waiting for them, I hope I get them before I leave otherwise I would have to listen to my mother talking about my book-buying problem as if it’s some gambling addiction.

Landmark and others were the places to buy classics this time because well they are the cheapest of the lot. But you do get to hear some funny conversations, so all in all not a bad experience if you ask me. I went to Adyar Odyssey, when I was staying at A’s place. She was busy reading P.S. I love you (She doesn’t want to buy the book, so she keeps going back to the store and reads one chapter per visit, nice way to save money I must say, but I just can’t do it). The classics and the romance books are in one row god knows why, so there was this girl who was looking at the romance books (before you even ask I never buy them never!). This is how the dialogue went on the phone:

Girl: So, I am in Odyssey, which book do you think I should buy (She was very seriously looking at the covers of M&B)
Friend: Says something
Girl: So which one is better? The Rancher’s Wife or the Billionaire’s Bride (I don’t remember the exact titles but you know how they are :) )
Friend: Gives off the list
Girl: Are you sure I should buy the Italian’s Lover or the Cowboy Adventure?
Friend: Suggests one of them
Girl: Oh or maybe I will buy the Blue Blood Series

I couldn’t stop grinning. I tried to act as if I was on the phone and starting laughing like a mad person. You will always find something amusing if you listen to people talking around you seriously! I did walk out empty handed that time because I was too cracked up to make a sane decision.

So, few of the best times I had in the past two months revolve around book stores and eavesdropping. Okie, I generally don’t do that but people are actually so loud when they discuss their literary choices you can’t help but overhear.

The nice ride ended with the Sunday market tour in Hyderabad. I love the Sunday markets because I found some really nice books for like 10 bucks a piece. This time around I was a little disappointed but I did find the one more Stephen King so I am happy (Two more books to complete the whole collection!)

Chennai Redux

2010-05-25T17:03:00.001+05:30

It has been almost 2 months that I came back to Chennai with some really big plans. I wanted to travel, go back to the old hangouts and do a lot of other stuff. Lets see what exactly have I done the past one month..

• Paid visit to Bikes, 10 D and Zara’s almost religiously every weekend ( some weekdays too when they had ladies night, guilty as charged)
• Went to the book fair next to my office almost on a daily basis and bought another box full of books (but this time I m proud of being the frugal and all that because I bought second hand books and I am proud of every last one of them)
• Tried a lot of new restaurants than to the great foodie P, who is currently on a liquid diet ( fruits, bread and dal are also liquids if you dint know)
• Had an awesome weekend in Blore where all I did was hop from one pub to another and found my favourite place Pico’s (Lynyrd Skynyd and Led Zep in the background when you are having a nice breakfast is just priceless)
• Surveys, ohh how can I forget the surveys, went to almost all the 5, 4, 3 Star hotels in the city, from the wonderful Sheraton to the questionable Vijay Park (where I actually thought that they deal pot among other things)
• Had a reunion in Bikes with PM and S which ended rather weirdly ( S if you even try to make fun of this I am going to kill you)
• Had the best terrace party with some really nice music on the side when PM gave her gyan about life and other disasters
• Found a new SB
• Actually allowed someone else to cook ( this is indeed a big step for me)

I know that this list looks actually pretty lame when I compare with the actual to-do list I made before coming to Chennai but its not that bad and I still am in love with the city however awful the weather is.

This was not the kind of summer I expected but when did things happen the way we want them to happen. Time is almost running out and I am scared to death about going back to Hell. Lots of things have changed and I learnt a lot of things during this sojourn. I learnt that I can never save in my life ever and that I should try not to depend on people.

P.S. I should thank S before closing this one, it’s because of her I am still sane and sometimes make the right choices (not always but mostly).

Chennai Baby!

2010-04-10T03:23:00.000+05:30

So, I am back in Chennai, the land of the lost. Nothing has changed. It looks like the same city I left an year ago. The crowd is still the same, pushy and loud, and so are the auto drivers arrogant and obnoxious. Feels like home :)
Finally found myself a serviced apartment and moved in. I m living in Nungambakkam baby! Okie so in the not so posh side of Kothari Road but who cares. I can go to Zara's in 10 mins flat and can get drunk and still be out till 2 in the night!

My Half-MBA

2010-03-31T19:14:00.007+05:30

An year has ended. I am half an MBA right now. I still dont feel as if I have accomplished something but to the world I am a manager in the making ( ok thats the lamest thing ever written in this blog). So with three terms down I am all settled in Lucknow. I have become a speck of dust in the cloud.
The other day I was browsing through facebook and saw this IITR community. Some guy has uploaded some really nice pics of the whole campus. It felt really nice remeniscing Roorkee days. But they all seem like a distant roar of the ocean no longer clear. Maybe some of them but most of them the details are all hazy. I missed that place for almost two years before moving on. But now I cant seem to remember those good times.
I guess it will be the same, two years down the line. Blur of anonymous faces and this would be another part of my life, tucked in my memory slowing fading away.

2010-03-29T20:36:00.000+05:30

Back to Chennai!!!

My Blackout

2010-03-09T00:14:00.001+05:30

So, I had my first official black out courtesy Ms. P. It was last Saturday that this wonderful incident happened. To understand why this happened or to be precise why I was so stupid as to do something so ridiculous we will have to trace the steps to the party.

It all started with too many extra classes. When you have classes all through the day and that too SCM you are already half way down the rabbit hole. You are so frustrated about everything around you the only sane step is to drown these emotions with some strong inebriant. To add to my misery I had to go all the way back to the civilization to get the German material. Which actually turned out okie considering the conditions, I was re-reading Norwegian Wood all the way there and splurged in UCB so all in all not so bad for a solo trip to the city.

I was kind of happy to go shopping all alone not that I hate company but when you go out with P and K you feel like killing yourself after two hours. Never go out with a shopaholic when you are one too. That’s one lesson I learnt the hard way. With people trying 30 dresses and running around the shop to try even more you will feel like Ted Bundy. So, I was happily roaming around Saharagunj window shopping and buying some stuff here and there (I bought one good pair of ballerinas and chinos for my expedition to my favourite city).

I came back around 7 in the evening with food for everyone (courtesy McD, okie I am student so cant splurge on food much). I thought I might skip the party and sleep for 15 hrs straight but my dear friends had other plans for me. We had our last insti party that day. So according to P and K we were supposed to get all dressed up cause you know that’s what chicks do! I had no such plans; I could just wear some black t shirt, old jeans and get drunk like any other sane person. But when you have two people nagging at you for half an hour you can’t do anything else but listen to them just to shut them up at least.

So there I was at 11 in the night all dressed up in my only cocktail dress only to see all the guys in shorts happily roaming around and an empty dance floor. Did I feel like a douche bag? You bet. It was so embarrassing. There were the 2nd year people who were like all casual and we were there dressed like prom queens. So, to drown all the stares we started the bottoms up game.

Fast forward half an hr later and six drinks down I started feeling all weird. Went to the dance floor and zap! The next thing I remember is waking up in my bed at 12 the next day and with a mighty hangover at that. I had no idea who bought me back or what anaap shanap I told people. I couldn’t remember a thing! Generally, I never forget anything when I m drunk I distinctly remember every single detail. Now, I understand how P felt after the Hostel Party in M, going around asking people whether I said something idiotic and apologizing beforehand.

Apparently I slapped A, stomped on M’s toe. I was head banging to all Hindi songs. I left K and was dancing with random people. I puked in front of Samanjasya. Yeah I marked my territory! Things are getting better and better as people are talking about my famous (read infamous) night.

Lets see what the next insti party brings us..until then I am grounded

Up In the Air/ Away We Go Movie Ramblings

2010-01-17T21:08:00.010+05:30

Gosh I m feeling so prolific all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because of these good movies that I have been watching. It’s been so long that I have seen something that moved me or at least made me think. I watch anything and everything I can get hold of and most of them generally disappoint me. So, I just love the feeling of discovering something that is even remotely nice I extol its virtues to all my friends.

I have been going gaga about Away We Go and Taking Woodstock for the past few months. I know these movies are not as good as people thought they would be but there are some scenes which will forever be etched in your memory. In away we go we have this one scene where John Kranshinski and his friend are sitting in a club and talking about their lives. John thinks that his friend is very happy about his adopted kids and he actually does look content. And then his friend tells him about his wife trying to conceive and had miscarriages almost thrice and then in the background you see his wife dancing slowly to velvet underground's Sweet Nothing. The scene is so elegant so poignant it made me cry. It just shows the reality of today's relationships in just 2 minutes. I can never forget that scene. I play the song over and over again and it never feels jaded to me. The song represents this alternate reality people construct to make themselves feel content about their lives and the charade they go through to just keep thing afloat.

I wish they made more movies of this kind. Just when I thought that this year I should be content with one such movie On the Air came along. I have been reading about this movie for almost a year now. I couldn’t wait to watch this one. For one it was directed by Jason Reitman.

All these years, I have been seeing George Clooney in this rose tinted glasses because he is always playing this roguishly charming roles he is always slick and larger than life. It always feels like he is being the seriously handsome Clooney in all of them. This is what makes Up in the Air different because he is actually feels real in an emotionally cauterized kind of way. This is his best role till date. He seemed so genuine in this one. He even made me cry.

Jason Reitman just gets better. This is a movie that is filled with so many self contradictions. One side we see the guy who loves his impersonal corporate lifestyle living a life of isolation and moving from one city to another with a goal of getting 10 million air miles. The other end we see Anna Kendrick with a nauseatingly optimistic view of life, trying to move up the corporate ladder. In between we see Vera Fermiga, his female equivalent. The scene where they are bragging about their cards just shows how we have changed into this materialistic society where the gilt edged loyalty cards have become a status symbol.

Well don’t we all love these so called loyalty cards brag about our platinum status. This film captures something important and disturbing. It shows superbly the airlessness of lives lived in the impersonal luxury of hotels and executive lounges.

Don’t miss this one, its charming, funny and touching. And of course, there is Clooney what else do you want?

My Margaritaville

2010-01-17T00:19:00.007+05:30

I promised S that I would chronicle the events of at least on Insti party, but the day after I generally feel like a low life cretin that I can’t even begin to write anything about that previous night. Now, I am not one of those people who can’t remember their drunken rambling, I remember every single detail and that my friend is not a good thing. I remember what I said to Kitty and K was so pissed at me that she gave her etrigan look for almost two days( you don’t want to know about the look, it’s such an icy glare you feel like you are going to freeze that very moment),I remember vaguely that I slapped P thrice (she reminds me of this event every chance she gets) and I remember dragging P back to the hostel when she was howling ( I mean this literally) about how A was a bitch and how she stole that-which-belongs-to-me. I can’t stop reliving those ghastly moments. I definitely don’t want to die in hands of P and K so please don’t expect any post of that kind from me.

Coming back to the topic of discussion, this is about the Hostel party. I guess the non-disclosure agreement doesn’t hold good so I am at liberty to talk about people's idiocy and mine :). I had a very hectic day where I finished my new chic-lit Girl Alone in one day and was feeling very good about it. The protagonist sounded just like me, she was a cough syrup addict and a rock music aficionado (hello she freaking listens to King Crimson for crying out loud) so I felt very happy that there exists someone (at least on paper) like me. I get back to my room all flippant because I actually did something during those insanely boring sessions (I tell you if you have HRM, MIS, SCM and Communications in one term you will die of boredom).

I came back to check my mail and do some important stuff online (read comment on someone's FB post or browse IMdB or download some new movie) only to find my IP has been blocked. This was a bad bad sign, because it has already happened ones but me being a download junkie couldn’t stop myself so well the moral is that if you download like a maniac big brother will come calling. I went to the CC with a very morose expression and said that my laptop had a virus and it was not working properly for the past few days and I had no idea what to do (you know the standard blonde idiot routine). Finally they did unblock my IP only after a long discussion about the pros and cons of the different antivirus software that we have on campus.

After such a long and eventful day I was wondering whether or not to get sloshed. It’s not every day that I have to act like a moron to get the job done. There I was reading crap (this resolution was the first one that I broke, it took me exactly 12 hrs and 20 mins after I posted that on this very blog) and debating whether or not to go join the party, they started playing songs from Fashion. I HATE the movie and I despise the sound track. When you have the same songs playing in all the insti parties you will have the same reaction believe me and when you have actually done a ramp walk to those tunes trust me you will. I decided that I will not get drunk and definitely not when I have a quiz the next day. You should know that I take this oath before every party. I remember I told K to slap me if I get drunk and well I think half an hour later I was actually slapped when I was on my third drink in front of the whole insti at that.

As you might have noticed I never live up to the promises I make to myself. So, 15 minutes later K and I were at the party and enjoying ourselves (if you call dancing to lame ass Hindi numbers enjoying that is). P was off practising for her Song and Dance routine (She was in the second round of insti song singing competition and she was trying really hard to get one CV point so she was all work and no play) so we were waiting before we actually start our party. Now K calls herself a people-watcher, I don’t know what that term exactly means till yesterday night when she started her very lively lecture on her take on Green-Green to preferred appendages. This was her first time getting sloshed all the way so well shit happened :)

I tried to get some Club dance hits or something of that sort (well they do have 100s of those albums) went and searched for stuff on DC and all I could find was Dr. Alban and Venga Boys! I never once said that we have cool people in Hell well if they are then they maybe hibernating or something. Either way so I had come to a conclusion that I cannot solve this problem, so I called P and told her to get her workout album (which is the compilation of the best hip-hop numbers as she puts it, which I politely said was horns waggle) . Before that actual music arrived we did dance to a lot of really songs with the Amitabh-Dharmendra-Rajesh Khanna- Salman Khan- Sunny Deal dance routine. This I must tell you was as embarrassing as it could get but then K was dancing (in her defence she never never dances, we have to drag her to the dance floor in every insti party only to find her in some corner engrossing in people-watching 5 minutes later, I tell you she can never get enough of this shit that she takes so seriously!) so it all good even though I was making a total ass of myself.

P finally arrived with her much publicized music collection (well thanks to yours truly every one thought that we were going to play the good stuff). This is how we all come to the most important part of the evening. There I was happily dancing to Wait a minute (Timbaland and PCD, if you don’t know :)), I tripped over and fell and cut my foot with some nasty rusted iron thingie that was lying on the ground. I was bleeding like a maniac. Now a normal person would just give up and say that I think we should stop behaving like idiots and go sleep or study for the quiz. But as you know I am not that person, I went washed my war wounds and was promptly back on the dance floor to finish what we started. Now, generally at this point in the party P would be so sloshed that me and K would be guarding her like some Ninja warriors so that she won’t blurt something stupid or shout at someone. But this it was the other way round P was sober and we were the sloshed lots. Finally sweet revenge I thought, but little did I know how badly mistaken I was.

And then to top it all we had to play the famous Bev D song to pay respect to certain someone. Now if you play the song you should head bang, so we did that too and let me tell you the pictures are not flattering, not flattering at all. We danced and danced and in the process were photographed my so many people I don’t know how I am going to manage wrangling the evidence from all of them.

I think a little after 2 the hostel rep came back to tell us that enough was enough people can’t take the bad music anymore well she dint say that exactly I was just using Captain Subtext. We were finally thrown out of the dance floor (if you can call the old and battered baddy court that) and went back to P’s room to analyze and dissect the day’s events (Read gossiping like old ladies). Now you should know that P was sober and was plotting revenge for those slaps. So innocent me was victimized by two bullies into acting as their model to test out their makeup skills. I was never thought I would be so embarrassed in just a span of 12 hours but now who was I kidding when two master minds came together to make me their new dolly ( ohh kill me now :(). I was made into a demure gult bride with the huge bindi (courtesy Kajal from Lakme) and then a hippie with a marijuana leaf bindi and then finally the uni-browed Frida with the whole ensemble of junk jewellery. I have photographic evidence to show the torture that I went through. I am going to kill them some day (note to self watch Hostel and get some tips on afflicting pain)

Finally, I was back in my room at 2 in the morning dead tired and with a terrible neck and limping like House ( well I was kind of happy about that, juvenile I know but c’mon I was like House only without a cane or the Vicodin addiction). So, these were the chronicles of one party, you should know that pandemonium breaks loose after every such party and I am left to cope from numerous aching body parts and huge hangovers and last but not the least apologizing to people or mostly shouting at them saying stuff like are-you-crazzzy, did-you-know-what-you-told-XYZ or taking oaths like I-will-never-go-to-another-insti-party-ever-again. Nothing works I am always back making a bigger ass of myself.

In Annie Hall, Woody Allen says that life is divided into two categories: the horrible and the miserable. Well, if being in hell is horrible then I wouldn’t mind being miserable for sometime during those mind numbing insti parties.

Phew, that was a long post and I wrote it one go. We do have the Manfest party pretty soon and the non-disclosure agreement doesn’t cover that one so I guess one more post about drunken adventures :)
Cheerio!

The Year That Was

2009-12-31T22:18:00.002+05:30

Looking back...ohh this is one thing I am good at :)
This year had been the year of changes...good ones and really bad ones all in all the year that bought the end of my bohemian life, the life where I was playing house, cooking, cleaning and shopping for my own apartment, cramming my shelves with my book collection, filling my hard disks with all the movies that I wanted to see. If you read the last line there is no mention of any animate object, so you can see I have been living the first half of the past year obsessed with inanimate things around me with the bare minimum social contact.

Then came the big bang, the big opportunity to change all the bad things and make my life all better!! Yeah so you can see now I am all happy and just peachy with the new one roomed dorm, with the awesome (read god-awful) crowd around me without a moment’s peace of mind, trying to fit my sleeping cycle around the never ending projects and getting drunk friends back to their rooms to name a few things that I love.

Snide remarks aside, this year has been very good to me. I finally moved from Chennai after bickering for almost 2 years, started my journey to Globeland, found my place in this hell hole and definitely here to stay for one more year. I have made some really good decisions and I am happy about it (read ecstatic) and but still I miss Chennai and dear S my shopping/drinking/bakar/anything-everything partner.

Hope the next year would get me out of this rut that I have created for myself. Let me make one good list
1. Stop reading CRAP
2. Stop the one bad habit that I have
3. Study-cram!
4. Watch more movies :)
5. More posts
6. Make up my mind faster about things
7. Travel more

Okie that’s the first draft, let’s see what more I can add to this list...

For the current mood of year-end blues the correct song would be Brighter Discontent - Submarines
Got a brand new roof above my head
All the empty boxes thrown away
I rearranged the place
A hundred times today
But the ordering of objects
Couldn't hide what's missing

All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be home again
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be alone again

Got myself a bottle of red wine
Got a night of nothing else to do
I think I might know
What I really want
But is a brighter discontent
The best that I could hope to find?

Got a big black television set
Now I can watch just what I want
But I'm here staring up
At pictures on the wall
And where are you,
You're still stuck inside them all

All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be home again
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be alone again

But love is not these belongings
That surround me
Though there's meaning
In the memories they hold
A breaking heart in an empty apartment
Was the loudest sound I never heard

Got a desk I'll write myself a note
Pretending that it came from you
On hotel stationary
From the time we first met
Whatever I can do cause
I won't throw my hands up yet

All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be home again
All these things should make me happy
Make me happy to be alone again

But love is not these belongings
That surround you
Though there's meaning
In the memories they hold
A breaking heart in an empty apartment
Was the loudest sound I never heard

Well I'll be find if
I dont look around me now
Too much for what's gone
If only I can wait here just a little while
And let time pass in my room

My Holidays

2009-12-31T20:14:00.002+05:30

Gone are the days where I used to wait for these 1-2 weeks, counting the days...now its all the same. Hyderabad, Lucknow I dont care either way. I mean its good to finally relax and eat home made food and fight with my brother but these things have lost their importance rather they are no longer special. I have become jaded.
Those trips from Roorkee to Hyderabad were something I tresured. The stop in Delhi where I used to roam around the city for 5 hrs, another name-less person. It was love for the city, love for anonymity, love for all those tiny little things that make the city so charming.
Two day ago, I got down in Delhi airport and had to wait ( in this case run from the arrival to departure terminal like a lost tourist), nostalgia was the last thing in my mind. I was just trying to get into that flight and go to my final destination.
Finally after almost two hours of bus/auto/bike travelling I was home. All I felt was a sense of relief that I dont have to take another flight for another 6 days. Okie I did meet my parents, my brother and found my old room which btw looks different every three months thanks to my mother's change-the-look program. I am still restless as if I have forgotten something important.
Is that how I am supposed to feel? Just another trip, just another week, when will this vicious circle end? I know that things are changing but nothing even remotely exciting happens around here.
Hope the next year brings some of these things :)

The Box

2009-12-12T02:03:00.003+05:30

I saw this movie "Box" today. After a really really long time I saw a movie without checking out the reviews or at least looking at the IMdB rating. I read about it long time back and saw the cast, it had Cameroon Diaz so I just assumed it was one of those stupid chick flicks, boy was I wrong. I was all ready with my bag of chips and everything and then I realized it was a freaking horror/sci-fi. At 2 in the morning its definitely not the kind of movie you should watch alone.

Never judge a movie by the actors’, lesson learnt. When you see Diaz in a movie you assume it would be a very crappy no brainer stuff. But for once she acted so well I was surprised, never thought she had it in her. She actually pulled off the southern accent pretty well and with James Marsden as her husband she did have a lot of help. Richard Kelly was one name I missed when I saw the trailer. When you watch the trailer you ll think that it ll be a movie like 13 goes 30 or Big where some bizarre thing happens and people get what they wanted or something like that. I was so wrong; this is one of the best sci fi movies that have come up this year. I like these kinda stories, they have a Stephen king touch to them. The camera work was superb, kinda like Zodiac with a very original 70s feel to it.

And finally the icing on the cake, Frank Langella; this guy is so real in that baffling character with his disfigured face. He makes you feel creepy and scared shitless at the same time without even varying his voice. He can act and though he might not get any nominations for his role he is the best part of the movie.

The story basically talks about this secret mission carried by someone unknown who are trying to test whether the human race is worth saving or not. So, they send the boogey man to find out how good people are given a choice between money and death of some stranger. They collect data by dropping this box off at some stranger’s door step and then he gives them an option of pushing the button and getting a million dollars and in the process killing some stranger somewhere in the world. Obviously, everyone takes the first option but there starts our story as the truth unravels. I m not going into any more details, but it is a fine concept and well made into a movie. It’s the kind of sci-fi that makes you think. Do check it out.

Richard Kelly is just perfect for these kinda stories. I love Donnie Darko. Amazing cast(dont you think just Jake Gyllenhal was just perfect for the role) and the weird and surreal plot lines and the bizzare scenes gets you hooked up to the movie even before you realize it. And the sound track, the unsettling yet poignant.

I have to leave now can't write anymore though I want to coz I have a presentation at 8 in the morning, will come back soon with a new post. We have an insti party today..what do you know maybe one post on that :)

My Lost Cause

2009-12-08T23:48:00.002+05:30

I stumbled across this song today and fell in love with it. Its been so long that I really listened to the lyrics and appreciated something. I have been listening to the same old playlists for so long forgot how good Beck was. Anyhoo you should definitely try this one, its called Lost Cause by Beck.

Your sorry eyes cut through bone
Make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new

Baby, you're a lost
Baby, you're a lost
Baby, you're a lost cause

There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming
They see you go
They know your secrets
And you know theirs
This town is crazy
Nobody cares

Baby, you're a lost
Baby, you're a lost
Baby, you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one laughing at your back now
No one's standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for

Baby, you're a lost
Baby, you're a lost
Baby, you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

Talking about lost causes, apparently this was the ultimate breakup album at the time :) This is part of the Scrubs OST, I still cant believe that Zack Braff comes up with such perfect songs with his every album. I still remember those days when I used to run to the CC between classes to download Scrubs, those days when I was still madly in love with Garden State OST. It was the perfect movie where everything was just right, the music, the story, the characters. The one movie that could kind of come somewhere nearby would be Away We Go, with Alexi Murdoch doing wonders with the music and the boy-next-door charm of Jim (from Office)

Couldnt stop myself from writing about this song...thats it for now will come back soon with a longer post

My Own Personal Hell

2009-11-20T23:48:00.003+05:30

It’s been a long time since I have curled up with a cup of hot soup and read a novel all night, cosy in my own apartment. It was my dream, the way I wanted my life to be, to have a good book always next to me so that I can sleep all content. That dream has been taken away from me and it has been almost six months that I have read anything that is worth remembering or quoting. My life has changed. I believed that I would find that missing piece that I have been searching for 22 years and be a part of something. Alas nothing of that sort has happened and instead I find myself moving towards another black hole.

I am gripped by sadness. Sadness over the sudden realization that there is nothing exceptional about what I have been going through. I obsessed about this new experience, thought it would be able to define what I want. That every mess I have made will all of a sudden fall into pieces and all the chaos would end. But this has become my fundamental and customary condition of my existence. I have to come to terms with it (I don’t want to accept this for a fact but maybe may be if I write it down I will one day just accept my fate)

Okie, I guess enough philosophy for a post, I couldn’t stop myself I guess it’s because the mood that I am in I can’t seem to make even simple decisions these days. You should understand when you make revelations as above one would be dazed and confused. That’s exactly the state I am in right now. So, I have decided to just stop thinking and live one day at a time. How easy would be to just do what you want to do without thinking and rethinking about the repercussions? Just enjoying the ride...

After two months of relentless torture (thanks to the IIM system) I finally had free time to actually come out of my shell and go out into the civilization that I have long forgotten. Landmark oh how I missed you! One place that would definitely cheer you up when you find that your grade sheet is not so appealing as you want it to be, when you think that you have screwed up yet another exam, when you realize that you miss your old friends and most of all when you are in dire need to escape from this world.

I just stood there for almost 5 minutes just staring at the books. You smell the sweet whiff of the new books all around you. All I wanted to do was just sit there and forget about everything bad that has happened (ohh when I say bad, I mean crying-your-heart-out bad, I will not get into the details of that rather touchy subject but will just say this, apparently people in wing could hear me crying, well this was what I needed with all the other good things that have been happening around me)

So escape is what I did and boy was I happy that they had a sale! With no job and all the bonus money spent on clothes for my new wardrobe (I am student now I can’t look like an old lady or a environmentalist wearing my FabIndia stuff) I had very little of my erstwhile salary left. So, I had to be picky and I m not good at picking just one book. But then there was a sale on Murukami! All his novels that I bought for 450 are now for freaking 250 bucks. So I picked up Dance, Dance, Dance which later I realized was a sequel to Wild Sheep Chase (which was the last Murukami book I read when I was at home before all this mess has begun).

K was with me in Landmark and let me tell you something about her. She just wants to buy the bookstore if it were up to her. She has no sense of judgement when it comes to books she just grabs them from the rack and into the basket so fast that you would wonder when she will have the time to read all of them in the hellhole. She is one of those people who just loves gaze at at her collection all pleased and happy. I used to the exact same thing when I was in Chennai. I cleaned up the drawing room closet and stacked my books and what a sight it was. I just used to sit there hours together deciding which book to read. And obviously when my parents came to visit, half the collection was my room-mates, though the charade dint last long. I had to finally lug them back home and did I get an earful from my mom about blowing all the money I made on books!

I had a friend with whom I can buy books with (though S, I should point out that no one can replace you :)). So, we like 6-7 books in between us though I should say K bought more books than me for the record. She just can’t stop herself. And I don’t mind when someone else buys the books I want to read. So, all in all we bought two Murukamis, one Ishigaro, one Wodehouse and the latest Hornby (yippie!)

All this happened last Sunday. From Monday we had our classes again after a really long time. You should know that B-Schools are the places where they teach you absolutely arbit and the most boring stuff. I have at least three subjects this term where at any point in a class you can find the whole of last bench sleeping. But something’s genetically wrong with me; I can’t sleep when someone is lecturing you. I have been suffering from this disease for the last six years. I was the one who used to wake up N in our first year and now P all through the first term. I am the snooze button for them (only in class though).

I thought I would read my novel rather than doing the full time job of a snooze button. Finished my first novel in six months (first good one though, guilty as charged for reading at least n trash novels in between, it seems to be an obsession these day and I m warning you S no comments about this!) in just two days. Reading Murakami makes you feel like you've just awakened from a deep sleep and you aren't sure if you're still dreaming. I love reading his books because you feel empty after reading it. His narrator is a loner, and the world that was built emphasized this. People who don’t want to confirm and live in the fringes trying to find happiness in their own. He talks about Dylan, Floyd and all those 60s musicians. He is so cool and at philosophical when needed. I just love the conversations between his characters. It’s like having an emotional catharsis in every exchange.

I m still basking in that glow you feel after reading something wonderful, something just so simple yet so poignant. I wish I can go on living like this, reading one book after another. But I am not one of those blessed ones; I have a MANAC quiz tomorrow and have to start studying now :(
Cheers for now!

My Waiting Line

2009-09-20T07:43:00.004+05:30

So, I am back to my virtual reality. I guess I thought I could forget the existence of my not-so-important blog, but cant hold back anymore. Waiting in an airport does things to you. It reminds me of all those other times I was in Delhi. The time I gave my GRE and was travelling alone for the first time and coming to delhi all the way from chennai to meet neha. I was sad the first time and really happy the second time. Now I cant even define the emotions. I am becoming this person who doesnt care about anything. I dont know where this fatalistic attitude dropped in out of the blue. I thought being pessimistic was bad enough. I cant seem to be anyone's company for more than 5 mins without inherently thinking about my exit strategy.
Lucknow I thought would be a good experience where I would become more loquacious but it looks like two years down the line I would be the deaf-mute of the batch. Fatalism is good when you are senile and dont want to be associated with the world.
My first term has ended, not at a very bright note though. I have screwed up as many papers as possible. Somewhere along the line I lost interest. I guess thats what two years in a crappy job does to you. You loose sight of what is important to you as you have become too numb to think about what would happen if you let those things affect you.
One term down and a lot wiser? Definitely not but then I now know to dodge dead lines and make reports out of thin air within an hour. Maybe these are the skills that are needed in the end after all. Not much of fees got wasted if you put it that way.
Anyways so here I am in Delhi airport after two years and it all feels so distant. The last time I remember I was so happy coming to this place. Shopped like crazy with N. Now, I dont even have that feeling of nostalgia. Just another waiting line. Ending this one with a good song lyric.

Wait in line
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me

Woooohh
Do you believe
In what you see
There doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see

Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can

Woooohh
Do you believe
In what you feel
It doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see

Ah and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide away for another day

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can

My meaningless run

2009-09-14T20:54:00.002+05:30

I have forgotten that I blog. I dont remember those nights where I used to sit and ponder. Sometimes alone, sometimes disussing stuff with S. Sometimes getting depressed over trivial things. That seems to be a different life. A life where I was free, a life where I did things because I was bored. There was no meaning, just for the sake of doing something significant I went ahead and did some stupid mistakes. I m not saying I regret those. I am in no position to think of them as thoughtless deeds. But I did them for the sheer reason to know that I am living. I am indeed alive and not another dead rat.
I was running for something to change my life. I never knew what it was and I dont know what it is even now. I thought this is the life I wanted for 22 years but apparently I am grossly mistaken. I was chasing this dream for so long I forgot the reason somewhere along the ride. I just dreamt of the destination. The one place that will define me. How sad is it that I always take the wrong decisions. all the time. Not once have I made the right choice. I have never known that choice has existed.
Now I am in another hell going through another load of shit, I guess I better get used to it and get ready for the next round of the rat races. I thought I was different but I never saw the people around me wanting the exact same thing for the exact same reason. I have become one of them another insignificant rat.
I want to get out of this race but I have gone too far and been here so long I cant seem to find my way out. I m too afraid to get out. I ll live all my life moving from once race course to another never realizing what is out there for me. But then I have made this conscious choice the day I had decided to write JEE. I guess nothing can be changed now. I have to compromise and I m getting pretty good at it day after day.
The end doesnt seem so important to me now coz I have realized I m gonna reach there one way or another. I m just trying to enjoy the ride. Thats what left now. The good old ride. Not too bad eh?
Well, I have two end terms tomorrow but had to get this off my chest so here's to my meaningless battles :)

My First Month

2009-07-23T19:42:00.002+05:30

A month has already gone by. I am officially one of the PGP25's as they put it. Lot of things have changed and I m still trying to cope up with the unknown number of assignments/quizzes/reports. It seems that my life has somehow become so hectic that I actually dont call anyone unless it is a psych emergency. whether this is the better life I was hoping for I m not sure but I m here.

My Obsessions

2009-06-13T05:15:00.000+05:30

I heard about the shopaholic series when I was in one of those book club meetings in our office about an year ago. I never actually thought about the whole shopaholic business as I was in deep denial. The obvious next step was to read those so called chiclit series. I got myself the ebooks (thanks to esnips...i dont know what I would have done without you in office). Started reading them one after the other and I was hooked. I was one of those idiotic women who go buy themselves things that are absolutely unnecessary just because the sales girl was kind enough to show all the stuff. Leave me in Fab India/Landmark/Crosswords and I m in paradise. S and me used to frequent these places ever so often and used to spend many-a-sunday there. And by the end of the whole binge we were atlest 5k shorter and atleast 5 books richer. And lets not forget about the clothes, the footwear and the eating out. Ohh I blew all my money in these things and I dont regret one bit becuase those were the bohemian days I will never forget.

So, obviously when I was packing to leave all I could see was books and clothes. I packed and packed and used up a whole box of scotch tape and still there were some more left. With a little help from my friends got them back to hyderabad safe and sound (thanks to gati). Did I get an appreciation from my mother that I did such a commendable job all by myself no all I hear is non stop nagging session about how I have wasted every last penny I have earned on grandma clothes (her actual words). Nobody understands Fab India :( I protested vehemently saying that I was working and it was chennai so I needed all the cotton dresses but no my mom would not listen. She finally made me promise that I would not buy anything from the apparel section for the next two years (Which I happily broke within a week but we ll come to that a little later) So with all this nagging and my broken laptop woes I somehow packed my stuff again to come to hell.

I came to L on the 9th and got my room the same day. The next few days were spent in getting used to the new place and people and the staring of the children of the corn aka the seniors. But finally as it always happens the fledgling huddle together. So we did form a nice little group. As I did not have my laptop I flicked my brother's iPod and thanks to that one small device my sanity is intact. Nothing can go horribly wrong when you are listening to the Zombies.

My Nowhereland

2009-06-02T18:38:00.000+05:30

My days of laughter and forgetting are officially over. I no longer have an apartment where I can just sleep all day long or watch whatever I want, whenever I want. I am back in Hyderabad after two years though not for a long time it feels weird, that I dont have my own place to go back to. I just have a week in Hyderabad before I move to my destination, Lucknow.

Au revoir

2009-05-29T18:00:00.007+05:30

So S wrote me a farewell post. Here I was at 5 in the evening thinking that this is my last day at work and I m not at all feeling sentimental about anything. And then I read it and I cannot believe I how badly I am going to miss all these inane things that we did.

The stupid shopaholic trips where she used to berate me about my FabIndia obsession or those bookshop sojourns where we would just keep on picking one book after another. Or the cab rides back home at 12 in the night. I got used to her being there that i look to my side every time i m in a word salad. People speculated that I would be doing the same head nod during my interview. But yeah that how dependant I have become. She is the sane one who is trying to talk me out of all those stupid things that I always tangle into. She is the one who helps out when I am in a pickle ( I don't know what I would have done without you in that situation, probably checked into a psych ward for paranoia) She was the one who pushed me to study for CAT, without her I would be sleeping 12 hours a day or catching up the new TV series. She made me read all the good novels and introduced me to Indian Fiction. And she was the one who reminded me the good old 60s music that I seem to have forgotten.

When I came to Chennai, I never dreamt of actually having a friend like her. I was absolutely miserable for the first three months trying to fit in where I could not. And then one day I heard some one talking about books and the rest is history. I had a good birthday after a bad run of three years thanks to her. Vintage Monday nights will always be special.

I thought I was lucky I have an agony aunt, seems like I have two now :)

P.S I am being the good one, I did not give you a nick name!